A friend gave Toby and I tickets to the Clemson game. We were excited because we don’t get to go to many games and Clemson promised to be a good game. I was glad it was a night game, because Toby has had some heart problems and I thought it would be better for him sitting through the game at night, instead of in the heat of the day.
Toby decided that we would be able to find a parking spot, so instead of riding the transit, we drove. We spent quite a long time trying to find a parking spot. We finally parked almost to Wrights Mill Road School – no joke…and we began the long trek to the stadium. I started out a little worried about Toby, because it was extremely hot and humid and so I kept stopping and asking him how he was doing. In the meantime, I was becoming hotter and hotter. The more I stopped and asked Toby how he was doing, the more he noticed that I was getting redder and redder, but being the southern gentleman that he was raised to be, he didn’t say anything. (Okay, I had on a sleeveless shirt, a pair of lightweight Capri pants, and flip flops, so I had on the ‘airiest’ clothes I had while still being in public.) Anyway, we finally got to the stadium. I thought I was going to die!!! I was so hot!!! I felt like I was literally going to burn up. Toby and I went in and stayed in the shade a little bit, taking in the slight hot breeze. I kept asking Toby how he was doing and he kept saying he was fine. I guess part of me was hoping that he was as hot and miserable as I was. Sad, but true, misery does love company. We found our seats, in the upper deck, in the sun and sat down. We were right on the isle, right behind the stairs, so people kept coming up and down and for some reason that just made me hotter. I made it through the 1st quarter and ½ and finally told Toby I needed to go and try to find some cool air. At that point, Toby commented that I did look a little hot. A little hot!!! I felt like I was on fire!!! I went and stood in the entrance and took in the breeze, but no matter how I tried I couldn’t get cool. I stood there through the 1st part of half time, then I looked up at Toby and told him that I needed to go home. He nodded and came down. At that point, He said he was worried about me because I was really red. I wanted to snap his head off and tell him, yes, not only was I red, but I was miserable! Being the somewhat proper person I try to be, I didn’t though. I merely said that I needed to go home and get cool. He nodded and said he was fine with that. A wise man!!!
On the way out of the stadium we saw those little rickshaw bikes and I decided to see how much they would charge to take us to our cars. I thought that would be fun and much cooler than trying to walk all the way back to the car. He took one look at us and said it would be $30.00 to take us two blocks over. Toby said he was figuring how hard he would have to peddle to get us anywhere. I was not amused! Of course we declined, but I really didn’t know if I could make it all the way back to my car. We did of course, and Toby cranked up the air as high as he could and we went home and watched the 2nd half of the game in the wonderful coolness of our home.
When I was retelling this to a friend of mine over lunch one day, of course she was laughing, but then she said, I was living in “hormone hell”. Never heard it called that before, but realized that was exactly what it was.
As some of you ladies know, it’s a miserable feeling. For those who are too young to have experienced “hormone hell” yet, let me just say that very little prepares you for the mood swings, hot flashes, memory loss and just basically wanting to annihilate something when experiencing a severe hot flash.
As I was thinking about this experience, I couldn’t help but think that what I went through is nowhere near how hot Hell will be and I’m so thankful that I won’t be there! Hallelujah!
My Palette
Friday, October 8, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Snakes
I hate snakes! There, I've said it and I'll say it again...I hate snakes! I know there are some of you who would agree with me, while there are a few who would disagree. Oh, I've heard all the arguments about snakes... they are good to keep rodents down, they are creatures of God, but I hate snakes. I don't care if they are red, yellow, green, grey, or if they are good snakes or bad snakes. To me the only good snake is a dead snake!!!
I've got to say that in my life, I've had more than my share of close encounters with snakes. My first close encounter was when my children were smaller. Toby was watching a football game, the kids were in their rooms and I was in our utility room changing over laundry and a snake appeared in the utility room and I freaked out. It had me blocked from the door and I did what any one in my position would do, I jumped up on top of the washing machine, hitting my shoulder on the cabinet and started screaming. The snake tried to go up the washing machine toward me. I continued screaming and I'm ashamed to say, lost control of bodily functions(wet my pants). There, I said it. I'm not proud, but I was terrified. Toby finally heard me, came out and saw the snake, tried to calm me down, but when the snake changed direction and started coming at him, he grabbed the only thing he could find, a plunger and plunged it to death. Good riddance, I say! Anyway, since that moment, I have had countless encounters with snakes. The most recent ones, about a week ago, I was going to my car in my front yard, saw what I thought was a stick, walked over to pick it up and it started moving. I ran back inside screaming "Toby, there's a snake," he came out and killed it. Just today, when we were coming in from lunch, we saw one slither off under the house. That makes me feel real secure!!!
Anyway, I look at the verse in Genesis 3:15 where it says "I will put hostility between you and the woman and between your seed and her seed. He will strike your head and you will strike his heel;" and I think God must have been thinking of me when he wrote that verse. There is definite hostility between me and a snake, and to my mind, if given the opportunity, the snake will be struck down.
I've got to say that in my life, I've had more than my share of close encounters with snakes. My first close encounter was when my children were smaller. Toby was watching a football game, the kids were in their rooms and I was in our utility room changing over laundry and a snake appeared in the utility room and I freaked out. It had me blocked from the door and I did what any one in my position would do, I jumped up on top of the washing machine, hitting my shoulder on the cabinet and started screaming. The snake tried to go up the washing machine toward me. I continued screaming and I'm ashamed to say, lost control of bodily functions(wet my pants). There, I said it. I'm not proud, but I was terrified. Toby finally heard me, came out and saw the snake, tried to calm me down, but when the snake changed direction and started coming at him, he grabbed the only thing he could find, a plunger and plunged it to death. Good riddance, I say! Anyway, since that moment, I have had countless encounters with snakes. The most recent ones, about a week ago, I was going to my car in my front yard, saw what I thought was a stick, walked over to pick it up and it started moving. I ran back inside screaming "Toby, there's a snake," he came out and killed it. Just today, when we were coming in from lunch, we saw one slither off under the house. That makes me feel real secure!!!
Anyway, I look at the verse in Genesis 3:15 where it says "I will put hostility between you and the woman and between your seed and her seed. He will strike your head and you will strike his heel;" and I think God must have been thinking of me when he wrote that verse. There is definite hostility between me and a snake, and to my mind, if given the opportunity, the snake will be struck down.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Mothers
I wrote this right after Mothers day 2010.With Mother's Day just past, it has me thinking a lot about Mothers. In particular, what makes a good mother? I looked up the definition of Mother in the dictionary and it is defined as "female parent; act as a mother to." I looked Mother up in the Bible dictionary and it also said, "the female parent of a household." It stated that in the Hebrew family, the mother occupied a higher position than that enjoyed by women in many other nations. The love and nurturing of God is sometimes compared to the love and caring a mother gives to a newborn child.
So what makes a good Mother?
My own Mother wasn't exactly an example that I would want to emulate. She was 17 and unmarried when I was born, got married shortly after my birth, than had 5 more children before she was 26. She was widowed at the age of 28, and died at the age of 31. She had a very short, sad life and for that I am sorry. She never knew God, she never really knew happiness and she never knew how to be a mother, or what having a loving mother was like. It has taken me years myself to get to this point, to the point that I can actually feel sad for her, to forgive her, and to yes, love her despite everything. So looking at my own Mother I certainly didn't get an answer there, but looking at others, I have seen examples of mothers that I truly believe are from God.
I have witnessed countless examples of good loving mothers. In church one Sunday night, I watched a young mother with her newborn baby beside her in a carrier, and the look of love in that mother's eyes while she watched her baby sleeping, the gentleness in the way she tucked the cover around her was so touching to me. Another time, a young child came to where her mother was standing and was trying to get her attention, the mother continued her thought and then immediately looked down, put her hands around the child's face, looked directly into her eyes and sweetly asked her what she wanted to tell her. This to me, let the child know that she had her mother's undivided attention and she was the most important person to her. I have witnessed how a mother will drop everything to take care of a handicapped child with love and compassion, while still making that child feel strong and confident. I have seen the heartbreak of a mother losing a child, and watched her mourn, while still keeping hold of her faith.
I have had personal examples of good mothers in my own life. One of my best friends growing up would invite me over and her mother was wonderful. The love she had for her family was so apparent. The fun they had eating dinner together, playing together, joking together, was something that I wanted. I was envious of my friend, but thankful to be a part of that for even a short time. There were other women who touched my life in many ways and left examples for me. My housemother was one. She wasn't openly affectionate, but in her way I could tell she cared for me. I was with her 7 years, almost longer than I was with my real mother. There was a lady who was a 'sponsor' to me who would write me long letters about her life and her family and would send me gifts, she even baked me brownies when I left and went out on my own. I never met her, but she left her mark on me. There have been countless others, teachers, Sunday school teachers, some of my friend's mothers, all who have in some way made an impression.
The Bible says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you." I believe that is exactly what God did. He came to me, He didn't leave me alone. He helped me to be a mother. He guided my heart and my steps. I was so afraid of becoming a mother. So afraid that I would be like my own mother. God didn't leave me, He was with me every step of the way. What I lacked in example, God showed me with love.
So, what makes a good mother? I wish I could give you an answer. I guess, loving, praying, guiding, spending time, disciplining when needed, listening to your child, listening to your own instincts about things, and praying some more. I believe it is important to never give up on your child! Always pray for them and leave them in God's hands. After all, he loves them more than we can possibly comprehend, just as He loves us.
I myself can only hope that in time, I will be remembered as a good mother, and when I get to heaven, God will say...you loved those I gave to you as I love you.
So what makes a good Mother?
My own Mother wasn't exactly an example that I would want to emulate. She was 17 and unmarried when I was born, got married shortly after my birth, than had 5 more children before she was 26. She was widowed at the age of 28, and died at the age of 31. She had a very short, sad life and for that I am sorry. She never knew God, she never really knew happiness and she never knew how to be a mother, or what having a loving mother was like. It has taken me years myself to get to this point, to the point that I can actually feel sad for her, to forgive her, and to yes, love her despite everything. So looking at my own Mother I certainly didn't get an answer there, but looking at others, I have seen examples of mothers that I truly believe are from God.
I have witnessed countless examples of good loving mothers. In church one Sunday night, I watched a young mother with her newborn baby beside her in a carrier, and the look of love in that mother's eyes while she watched her baby sleeping, the gentleness in the way she tucked the cover around her was so touching to me. Another time, a young child came to where her mother was standing and was trying to get her attention, the mother continued her thought and then immediately looked down, put her hands around the child's face, looked directly into her eyes and sweetly asked her what she wanted to tell her. This to me, let the child know that she had her mother's undivided attention and she was the most important person to her. I have witnessed how a mother will drop everything to take care of a handicapped child with love and compassion, while still making that child feel strong and confident. I have seen the heartbreak of a mother losing a child, and watched her mourn, while still keeping hold of her faith.
I have had personal examples of good mothers in my own life. One of my best friends growing up would invite me over and her mother was wonderful. The love she had for her family was so apparent. The fun they had eating dinner together, playing together, joking together, was something that I wanted. I was envious of my friend, but thankful to be a part of that for even a short time. There were other women who touched my life in many ways and left examples for me. My housemother was one. She wasn't openly affectionate, but in her way I could tell she cared for me. I was with her 7 years, almost longer than I was with my real mother. There was a lady who was a 'sponsor' to me who would write me long letters about her life and her family and would send me gifts, she even baked me brownies when I left and went out on my own. I never met her, but she left her mark on me. There have been countless others, teachers, Sunday school teachers, some of my friend's mothers, all who have in some way made an impression.
The Bible says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you." I believe that is exactly what God did. He came to me, He didn't leave me alone. He helped me to be a mother. He guided my heart and my steps. I was so afraid of becoming a mother. So afraid that I would be like my own mother. God didn't leave me, He was with me every step of the way. What I lacked in example, God showed me with love.
So, what makes a good mother? I wish I could give you an answer. I guess, loving, praying, guiding, spending time, disciplining when needed, listening to your child, listening to your own instincts about things, and praying some more. I believe it is important to never give up on your child! Always pray for them and leave them in God's hands. After all, he loves them more than we can possibly comprehend, just as He loves us.
I myself can only hope that in time, I will be remembered as a good mother, and when I get to heaven, God will say...you loved those I gave to you as I love you.
Monday, April 19, 2010
College Girls
I've been thinking a lot today about College Girls. My Bible Study groups, present and past in particular. I've come to some really frank realizations about myself and these wonderful young ladies that I have been privileged to get to know.
First - They are as a group seekers! They are spending their time at college, seeking...careers, friends, future husbands, where they belong and who they are. While studying and enjoying college life, they are forever seeking ways to figure out exactly who they are and what kind of person they want to be.
Second - They are passionate! They are passionate about everything, from their friends to their music, to the movies they watch, to the positions they take on any given topic. When you get them talking about something they are passionate about they truly become animated and alive. I love that! I love watching them and listening to them.
Third - When they make a decision to commit, they do so with their whole heart. They just want to be seen as people with a true voice and heart.
In this way, I love college girls. I started doing the first Bible Study as a way to fill my empty house. After raising two kids and having them and their friends hang out here all the time, when my kids left, the friends went with them and the house became incredibly quiet. I felt that leading a group of college girls would be a way to fill the house again with young people. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that not only would they fill my house, but they would fill my heart as well. My first group of girls were so amazing! Most of them were with me for three years and when they graduated and left, it was like losing my kids all over again. These girls became my girls. I have been to two weddings and hope to go to more. I hope to see their babies one day. After they left I thought I just couldn't do it again, I couldn't go through another group, so I took a year off. When I was asked if I would do a group this year, I prayed about it and decided I would. Once again, I have been blessed with another amazing group of girls, who have filled my heart. I hope to one day go to their weddings and see their babies as well.
I am so blessed to be a part of these young ladies lives. I love that they seek. Every week, they come to Bible Study seeking...seeking to know God's Word. Seeking to see what He has to say to them. Seeking for ways to serve Him. I love that they have passion. They are so passionate about Him and what He says to them. I love to hear them discuss a passage and what it means to them, or discuss why Paul or James would say that. It thrills me to see them seeking God and being passionate. But what really warms my heart is that they are so committed. When there are so many things pulling at them, they have committed to studying God's Word, to learning about Him and what He is trying to say to them and for that I feel truly blessed to know these girls.
How has this changed my life? Well for one thing, getting to know these girls has once again filled my home with laughter, lots of talking and fun. For another, it makes me feel energized. Just being around a room full of College girls energizes me. I find myself listening to them while they are eating dinner and talking and sometimes just smile to myself. They are just plain fun to be around! Being around them has me wanting to be more like them. Well, maybe not young, but I want to be known as seeking, passionate and committed. I want to be always seeking God's will. I want to be passionate about what He is trying to tell me and I want to be committed to Him.
I am blessed to know these young ladies and to have them as a part of my life. God knew what I needed and filled it without me even realizing it. God is so very good isn't He?
First - They are as a group seekers! They are spending their time at college, seeking...careers, friends, future husbands, where they belong and who they are. While studying and enjoying college life, they are forever seeking ways to figure out exactly who they are and what kind of person they want to be.
Second - They are passionate! They are passionate about everything, from their friends to their music, to the movies they watch, to the positions they take on any given topic. When you get them talking about something they are passionate about they truly become animated and alive. I love that! I love watching them and listening to them.
Third - When they make a decision to commit, they do so with their whole heart. They just want to be seen as people with a true voice and heart.
In this way, I love college girls. I started doing the first Bible Study as a way to fill my empty house. After raising two kids and having them and their friends hang out here all the time, when my kids left, the friends went with them and the house became incredibly quiet. I felt that leading a group of college girls would be a way to fill the house again with young people. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that not only would they fill my house, but they would fill my heart as well. My first group of girls were so amazing! Most of them were with me for three years and when they graduated and left, it was like losing my kids all over again. These girls became my girls. I have been to two weddings and hope to go to more. I hope to see their babies one day. After they left I thought I just couldn't do it again, I couldn't go through another group, so I took a year off. When I was asked if I would do a group this year, I prayed about it and decided I would. Once again, I have been blessed with another amazing group of girls, who have filled my heart. I hope to one day go to their weddings and see their babies as well.
I am so blessed to be a part of these young ladies lives. I love that they seek. Every week, they come to Bible Study seeking...seeking to know God's Word. Seeking to see what He has to say to them. Seeking for ways to serve Him. I love that they have passion. They are so passionate about Him and what He says to them. I love to hear them discuss a passage and what it means to them, or discuss why Paul or James would say that. It thrills me to see them seeking God and being passionate. But what really warms my heart is that they are so committed. When there are so many things pulling at them, they have committed to studying God's Word, to learning about Him and what He is trying to say to them and for that I feel truly blessed to know these girls.
How has this changed my life? Well for one thing, getting to know these girls has once again filled my home with laughter, lots of talking and fun. For another, it makes me feel energized. Just being around a room full of College girls energizes me. I find myself listening to them while they are eating dinner and talking and sometimes just smile to myself. They are just plain fun to be around! Being around them has me wanting to be more like them. Well, maybe not young, but I want to be known as seeking, passionate and committed. I want to be always seeking God's will. I want to be passionate about what He is trying to tell me and I want to be committed to Him.
I am blessed to know these young ladies and to have them as a part of my life. God knew what I needed and filled it without me even realizing it. God is so very good isn't He?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Grace
Grace is the name of my cat. She is a sweet cat, but very fat and meows like crazy if her food bowl gets empty. She doesn't have to eat it, she just doesn't want it to be empty. When you get up first thing in the morning she meows and runs around your feet until you check her bowl. When I come home from work she does the same thing. I can't use an automatic feeder because, she would eat till she popped! I'm not kidding. She is a fat cat and loves her food.
I guess I should explain a little about Grace so you can understand why she is like that. Grace is a stray cat that showed up one day at the church about 9 years ago. Everytime we walked in the building we could hear her meowing, but couldn't get her to come to us. Finally, I went into the kitchen, got some of that creamer in the little tubs, poured some in a little bowl and set it down by the bushes. She finally came out and became my cat.
She was so thin that you could see her ribs and she had just had kittens because she still had milk, so we began searching everywhere for the kittens, but couldn't find them anywhere. I took her to the Vet, and had her bathed, got her shots, dried up her milk and brought her home, (much to Toby's dismay). We figured that someone must have just dumped her out and left her. Anyway, she has been with us ever since. She doesn't even try to go outside when you open the door, it's almost like she is saying "been there, done that, not that great." She is content to just hang out, sleep and eat and boy, does she love her food.
Sometimes my life feels a little like Grace's. Sometimes, I feel like a stray, dumped out and wondering around looking for a safe place. Sometimes when people say you should try something, I just want to say "been there, done that, not that great." Sometimes, I'm content to just hang out, sleep and eat.
The problem with all of that is I am never filled. Like Grace, I freak out if I feel like my "bowl" is empty. I look for someone or something to fill it. And like Grace, I am always "meowing" for more. Maybe, I'm just not looking in the right place, maybe I'm not being filled with the right food, maybe, I need to look a little deeper.
When I feel empty, God has promised to fill me up - "Let us give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:8-9;
When I feel dumped out and like a stray God says "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rest between His shoulders." Deut. 33:12;
So just like Grace, I have been hungry, but God filled me. I have felt lonely and abandoned, but God found me. Just like Grace, I don't need to go outside my Lord, because I've "been there, done that, not that great."
I guess I should explain a little about Grace so you can understand why she is like that. Grace is a stray cat that showed up one day at the church about 9 years ago. Everytime we walked in the building we could hear her meowing, but couldn't get her to come to us. Finally, I went into the kitchen, got some of that creamer in the little tubs, poured some in a little bowl and set it down by the bushes. She finally came out and became my cat.
She was so thin that you could see her ribs and she had just had kittens because she still had milk, so we began searching everywhere for the kittens, but couldn't find them anywhere. I took her to the Vet, and had her bathed, got her shots, dried up her milk and brought her home, (much to Toby's dismay). We figured that someone must have just dumped her out and left her. Anyway, she has been with us ever since. She doesn't even try to go outside when you open the door, it's almost like she is saying "been there, done that, not that great." She is content to just hang out, sleep and eat and boy, does she love her food.
Sometimes my life feels a little like Grace's. Sometimes, I feel like a stray, dumped out and wondering around looking for a safe place. Sometimes when people say you should try something, I just want to say "been there, done that, not that great." Sometimes, I'm content to just hang out, sleep and eat.
The problem with all of that is I am never filled. Like Grace, I freak out if I feel like my "bowl" is empty. I look for someone or something to fill it. And like Grace, I am always "meowing" for more. Maybe, I'm just not looking in the right place, maybe I'm not being filled with the right food, maybe, I need to look a little deeper.
When I feel empty, God has promised to fill me up - "Let us give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:8-9;
When I feel dumped out and like a stray God says "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rest between His shoulders." Deut. 33:12;
So just like Grace, I have been hungry, but God filled me. I have felt lonely and abandoned, but God found me. Just like Grace, I don't need to go outside my Lord, because I've "been there, done that, not that great."
Friday, February 26, 2010
Gifts
“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17
I believe God wrote that verse because He knew I was going to have to refer to it a lot once I married Toby. I love my husband, but the gift giving thing he just doesn’t quite have down yet.
Before we got married, Toby was so romantic. He would write me letters and they were so sweet. The only gift he bought for me before we got married was a necklace, a forget-me-not flower, small and dainty. He said that since he was going over seas for a while he wanted me to have something to remember him. I must say, I bought it, hook, line and sinker! I was in love and couldn’t wait for him to come back and marry me.
After we got married, for a short time, there was still romance, no gifts really, but Toby would leave me notes on the table in the mornings before he went to work, or when he came home for lunch, sweet little notes that were reminders of how much he loved me.
I was so homesick and lonely so one day he brought home a little puppy that someone had dropped off at the shop. It was tiny and had not been weaned, so I had to bottle feed it and once again I knew that Toby was the best gift giver around. It was absolutely the perfect gift for me at the time.
Little did I know that my wonderful husband, was not the perfect gift giver I thought he was. I began getting things like sheets for Christmas, pots and pans, (which I didn’t ask for), blenders, one year I even got towels! Towels, can you imagine!!! That was just the beginning of a long line of somewhat, shall I say, ‘unique’ gifts that I received from my husband.
One year we were at the beach with 2 other couples and my birthday, being in June, happened to fall on one of the days we were there. My friends and Toby decided to celebrate my birthday. They had a cake, some gifts and then I got to Toby’s gift. It was in a bag from Alvin’s Island, so I opened up the bag and there were 3 t-shirts. He got them from the 3 for $10 dollar rack. I couldn’t believe my eyes, for one thing, I very rarely wear a t-shirt, for another thing, 3 for $10, is not exactly the gift I was looking for, and last, but certainly not least, was what they said. It pains me to this day to repeat what was on the shirts, but here goes… “What part of NO don’t you understand!”, “#1 MOM,” and the last one was just a gulf shores t-shirt I think. By the time I read the first two, I couldn’t even see the last one. I was horrified!!! I couldn’t even talk. My friends were just as horrified as I was, but couldn’t even look at me. We all knew I was on the verge…of tears, anger, and was embarrassed. I couldn’t even talk to Toby. Later when we got home, the shirts, never on my body, were put into a donation sack.
You would think that would be the climax of the bad gifts, but there are so many more. One day for my birthday I got a weed-eater, gas powered, which is so heavy I can’t even use it. There were tool boxes, wheel barrels, and one year, I opened up a box and pulled out an owl, you know a small stuffed owl that had a graduation cap on it that had the year on it. (It was not the year I graduated). As I was pulling it out, I prayed, please dear God, let there be something else in this box, please…please. Luckily there was, a pair of earrings.
Thankfully, Amber got old enough to help with the gifts. She became my ally and I would tell here specifically what I wanted. One year I wanted a digital camera and she knew exactly which one I wanted. Later, she went with her dad to get it and she said they were in Best Buy and the line was so long and Toby looked at her and said, “I’m not standing in this line, I will get it later,” and Amber looked at him and said “Daddy, it’s Dec. 23., Mom wants this camera and we are going to stay in line till we get it.” He did. Another time they were walking in the mall and he passed the dollar store and said “let’s go in there and look for your mom”, she told him that there was nothing in the dollar store that I wanted for Christmas. Later she confided in me that she didn’t know how I did it, how I managed to put up with his shopping. I told her, I had learned over the years to just not take him, and to be very specific in what I wanted.
In saying all this I would be neglect if I didn’t say that through the years there have been a few surprises. I got a really nice necklace one year that was a total surprise and a ring another time. More recently he gave me Isabel, my sweet puppy, so he has on occasion redeemed himself.
I know why God gave us the perfect gift. He knew nothing on earth could compare to what He gave us, His Son, His love and His grace. So while my husband is still learning, God in His ultimate wisdom knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “every good and perfect gift” would come from Him. I for one am so thankful for that, and I believe no matter what gift Toby does or doesn’t give me, nothing can ever compare to the “perfect gift” God has already given me.
I believe God wrote that verse because He knew I was going to have to refer to it a lot once I married Toby. I love my husband, but the gift giving thing he just doesn’t quite have down yet.
Before we got married, Toby was so romantic. He would write me letters and they were so sweet. The only gift he bought for me before we got married was a necklace, a forget-me-not flower, small and dainty. He said that since he was going over seas for a while he wanted me to have something to remember him. I must say, I bought it, hook, line and sinker! I was in love and couldn’t wait for him to come back and marry me.
After we got married, for a short time, there was still romance, no gifts really, but Toby would leave me notes on the table in the mornings before he went to work, or when he came home for lunch, sweet little notes that were reminders of how much he loved me.
I was so homesick and lonely so one day he brought home a little puppy that someone had dropped off at the shop. It was tiny and had not been weaned, so I had to bottle feed it and once again I knew that Toby was the best gift giver around. It was absolutely the perfect gift for me at the time.
Little did I know that my wonderful husband, was not the perfect gift giver I thought he was. I began getting things like sheets for Christmas, pots and pans, (which I didn’t ask for), blenders, one year I even got towels! Towels, can you imagine!!! That was just the beginning of a long line of somewhat, shall I say, ‘unique’ gifts that I received from my husband.
One year we were at the beach with 2 other couples and my birthday, being in June, happened to fall on one of the days we were there. My friends and Toby decided to celebrate my birthday. They had a cake, some gifts and then I got to Toby’s gift. It was in a bag from Alvin’s Island, so I opened up the bag and there were 3 t-shirts. He got them from the 3 for $10 dollar rack. I couldn’t believe my eyes, for one thing, I very rarely wear a t-shirt, for another thing, 3 for $10, is not exactly the gift I was looking for, and last, but certainly not least, was what they said. It pains me to this day to repeat what was on the shirts, but here goes… “What part of NO don’t you understand!”, “#1 MOM,” and the last one was just a gulf shores t-shirt I think. By the time I read the first two, I couldn’t even see the last one. I was horrified!!! I couldn’t even talk. My friends were just as horrified as I was, but couldn’t even look at me. We all knew I was on the verge…of tears, anger, and was embarrassed. I couldn’t even talk to Toby. Later when we got home, the shirts, never on my body, were put into a donation sack.
You would think that would be the climax of the bad gifts, but there are so many more. One day for my birthday I got a weed-eater, gas powered, which is so heavy I can’t even use it. There were tool boxes, wheel barrels, and one year, I opened up a box and pulled out an owl, you know a small stuffed owl that had a graduation cap on it that had the year on it. (It was not the year I graduated). As I was pulling it out, I prayed, please dear God, let there be something else in this box, please…please. Luckily there was, a pair of earrings.
Thankfully, Amber got old enough to help with the gifts. She became my ally and I would tell here specifically what I wanted. One year I wanted a digital camera and she knew exactly which one I wanted. Later, she went with her dad to get it and she said they were in Best Buy and the line was so long and Toby looked at her and said, “I’m not standing in this line, I will get it later,” and Amber looked at him and said “Daddy, it’s Dec. 23., Mom wants this camera and we are going to stay in line till we get it.” He did. Another time they were walking in the mall and he passed the dollar store and said “let’s go in there and look for your mom”, she told him that there was nothing in the dollar store that I wanted for Christmas. Later she confided in me that she didn’t know how I did it, how I managed to put up with his shopping. I told her, I had learned over the years to just not take him, and to be very specific in what I wanted.
In saying all this I would be neglect if I didn’t say that through the years there have been a few surprises. I got a really nice necklace one year that was a total surprise and a ring another time. More recently he gave me Isabel, my sweet puppy, so he has on occasion redeemed himself.
I know why God gave us the perfect gift. He knew nothing on earth could compare to what He gave us, His Son, His love and His grace. So while my husband is still learning, God in His ultimate wisdom knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “every good and perfect gift” would come from Him. I for one am so thankful for that, and I believe no matter what gift Toby does or doesn’t give me, nothing can ever compare to the “perfect gift” God has already given me.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Perfect Day
Today was the perfect day! I woke up at 7:30 had a cup of coffee with the beautiful sun shining in the house and just sat for a little bit enjoying the morning. I love the sunshine! I cleaned in the house a little, piddled really, then went outside. Toby and I worked outside, we clipped shrubs back, moved some rose bushes, mowed, and raked. It was the perfect temperature outside for doing these things. In between all of this we played with Isabel, watched the birds, took breaks, sat and just enjoyed being outside. After such a rainy winter, it was just so nice to be able to be outside and soak up the sun.
I'm not a winter person, never have been and if the truth be told, actually get somewhat moody and depressed during the months of January and February. When January rolls around it seems like such a long dreary month that I find myself becoming dreary as well. Oh, I know we need the winter weather to kill the bugs and to make us appreciate the beautiful days, and I will admit that I do like the snow. I love to watch the snow coming down, and I love to go outside and make snowballs and I certainly appreciate how beautiful snow makes everything look. It's just that I don't like to be cold.
I know that God created both the cold and the warm. The cold to cleanse and to give everything time to rest and the warm to revitalize us, to bring everything back to life. In my own life God does that for me all the time. When I am far from God, my life begins to feel cold and dreary, my spirit begins to wither and freeze. But when I go to Him and rest in Him and spend time with Him, my spirit begins to thaw and I feel His warmth and presence within me. Maybe that is why I am more of a warm weather person, because when I am outside, basking in the warmth of the sun, watching the birds, planting things, playing with Isabel, it is all a reminder of the warmth of God.
So for me, right at this moment, today was the perfect day. Tomorrow may be even better, and promises to be, but for me, today was a perfect gift from God.
I'm not a winter person, never have been and if the truth be told, actually get somewhat moody and depressed during the months of January and February. When January rolls around it seems like such a long dreary month that I find myself becoming dreary as well. Oh, I know we need the winter weather to kill the bugs and to make us appreciate the beautiful days, and I will admit that I do like the snow. I love to watch the snow coming down, and I love to go outside and make snowballs and I certainly appreciate how beautiful snow makes everything look. It's just that I don't like to be cold.
I know that God created both the cold and the warm. The cold to cleanse and to give everything time to rest and the warm to revitalize us, to bring everything back to life. In my own life God does that for me all the time. When I am far from God, my life begins to feel cold and dreary, my spirit begins to wither and freeze. But when I go to Him and rest in Him and spend time with Him, my spirit begins to thaw and I feel His warmth and presence within me. Maybe that is why I am more of a warm weather person, because when I am outside, basking in the warmth of the sun, watching the birds, planting things, playing with Isabel, it is all a reminder of the warmth of God.
So for me, right at this moment, today was the perfect day. Tomorrow may be even better, and promises to be, but for me, today was a perfect gift from God.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Jobless but not Worthless
Why is it that men seem to be defined by their jobs? When you meet a woman, one of the first things you ask is "are you married?", followed by "do you have any children?". With men it's different. One of the first things they're asked is "What do you do for a living?" It is the nature of men, and maybe our culture to define men by what they do and how good they are at it. In this day where there is so much unemployment it makes me ponder if maybe we aren't doing men a disservice. Do they become worthless because they do not have a job?
Men of my generation were raised in the age where you went to work, usually by the age of 16. They made their own money, bought their own cars, paid for their dates, all with their own money. If they didn't have it, they didn't do it. It was as simple as that. They were taught that you worked to provide for yourself and your family. It was your responsibility and you did it. It's a badge of honor and men wear it proudly, even to this day. I wonder though, if men shouldn't be defined by so much more. Shouldn't men be defined by how they portray God in their lives, how they treat their wives and children...do they show up and participate...do they make time to play...do they treat others with kindness and respect...are they willing to humble themselves before the Lord and seek guidance? Shouldn't we all, not just men, be defined by more. When we hold up a mirror to ourselves shouldn't we see a reflection of ourselves, but also a reflection of our Lord?
I ponder these questions, because Toby is unemployed. He has been since January. He took a stand against something he deemed unethical and it cost him a job. Has he become a lesser man because of it? No, in so many ways he has become even more the man of God. He is seeking more than ever God's will in his life and firmly believes that God has a plan. Will it change his perspective on things? I'm sure of it! Is he willing to humble himself before God and seek guidance? Absolutely! Is he now worthless? Absolutely not!
Men of my generation were raised in the age where you went to work, usually by the age of 16. They made their own money, bought their own cars, paid for their dates, all with their own money. If they didn't have it, they didn't do it. It was as simple as that. They were taught that you worked to provide for yourself and your family. It was your responsibility and you did it. It's a badge of honor and men wear it proudly, even to this day. I wonder though, if men shouldn't be defined by so much more. Shouldn't men be defined by how they portray God in their lives, how they treat their wives and children...do they show up and participate...do they make time to play...do they treat others with kindness and respect...are they willing to humble themselves before the Lord and seek guidance? Shouldn't we all, not just men, be defined by more. When we hold up a mirror to ourselves shouldn't we see a reflection of ourselves, but also a reflection of our Lord?
I ponder these questions, because Toby is unemployed. He has been since January. He took a stand against something he deemed unethical and it cost him a job. Has he become a lesser man because of it? No, in so many ways he has become even more the man of God. He is seeking more than ever God's will in his life and firmly believes that God has a plan. Will it change his perspective on things? I'm sure of it! Is he willing to humble himself before God and seek guidance? Absolutely! Is he now worthless? Absolutely not!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Laughter
I love laughter! Have you ever really thought about it? I love it!!! I love the sound that children make when they are tickled. I love it when they laugh so hard that they can't stop or get the hiccups. I love it when people get so tickled about something that they cry or their whole body shakes. Just being around someone who is laughing makes you smile. You can walk into a room and if someone is laughing, I mean really laughing, you smile. It is contagious! You can't help it. The other day someone was telling a funny story and I got so tickled, I couldn't catch my breath and I love that. I enjoy that deep down gut wrenching laughter that brings tears to your eyes. I remember when my children were small it always seemed that when they were supposed to be quiet, like in church, something would get them tickled and the more they would try to not laugh, the more they would laugh. I would try to make them be quiet, but they would just giggle more and pretty soon, I would get tickled just listening to them. I used to love tickling them until their giggles would fill the house. Oh how I love that sound!
Several memories stick out in my mind that to this day still make me laugh. I will share one with you...
When Amber was little, it was raining outside, just as it is now, and Toby was playing with her and they had built a tent in the living room. I was sitting on the couch reading and listening to them. Toby had just stuck his hand out of the tent and said, "my goodness, it's raining outside". A few seconds later we heard this little 'poot' from Amber and Toby jerked his head up teasing and said "What was that?..." Amber said without missing a beat... "That was the thunder daddy." To this day that makes me smile. I'm sure you have several of your own memories that make you smile, or giggle.
God must have liked laughter because it is mentioned all through the Bible. Here are just a few...
"A merry heart does good, like medicine." Proverbs 17:22;
"A cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15;
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy." Psalm 126:2
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughing." Job 8:21
Laughter is a great gift and we should use it more often. Take time today and have a good laugh!
Several memories stick out in my mind that to this day still make me laugh. I will share one with you...
When Amber was little, it was raining outside, just as it is now, and Toby was playing with her and they had built a tent in the living room. I was sitting on the couch reading and listening to them. Toby had just stuck his hand out of the tent and said, "my goodness, it's raining outside". A few seconds later we heard this little 'poot' from Amber and Toby jerked his head up teasing and said "What was that?..." Amber said without missing a beat... "That was the thunder daddy." To this day that makes me smile. I'm sure you have several of your own memories that make you smile, or giggle.
God must have liked laughter because it is mentioned all through the Bible. Here are just a few...
"A merry heart does good, like medicine." Proverbs 17:22;
"A cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15;
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy." Psalm 126:2
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughing." Job 8:21
Laughter is a great gift and we should use it more often. Take time today and have a good laugh!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Brownies with Love
I can't seem to get it off my mind what a dear friend said to me yesterday. She just found out that she has cancer and was having a double mastectomy. But the thing that keeps sticking in my brain is that she said before her surgery, since she couldn't have anything to eat after midnight, her husband was going to wake her up at 11:00 p.m. and they were going to share brownies and ice cream. I thought that was just about one of the sweetest things I had ever heard.
As women, we are sometimes defined by how we look, well maybe not sometimes...most of the time. It's hard to come to grips with the possibility of loosing parts that seem to define us as women. But, here at this moment, this woman was offered something, something that only someone who sees beyond the physical to the beauty of the woman inside can offer. Here her husband offered her more than brownies and ice cream. He offered her his love, his support and the fact that to him, she is worth more than her physical parts. I would say that this friend of mine, is a very lucky and blessed woman and I pray that she will recover quickly. I pray that the next time she has brownies and ice cream, it will be to celebrate!
As women, we are sometimes defined by how we look, well maybe not sometimes...most of the time. It's hard to come to grips with the possibility of loosing parts that seem to define us as women. But, here at this moment, this woman was offered something, something that only someone who sees beyond the physical to the beauty of the woman inside can offer. Here her husband offered her more than brownies and ice cream. He offered her his love, his support and the fact that to him, she is worth more than her physical parts. I would say that this friend of mine, is a very lucky and blessed woman and I pray that she will recover quickly. I pray that the next time she has brownies and ice cream, it will be to celebrate!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I was thinking today about my dog, Isabel. She is an English Setter and she has a crooked face. Her mouth is crooked and her teeth are out of line and when she closes her mouth, sometimes because her mouth is a little crooked, her lip gets caught on her teeth. She doesn't know any of this though. She thinks she is beautiful and to me she is. I love the way her mouth is a little crooked, I think it gives her character. I love it when she smiles and her lip gets caught on her teeth. I also love the fact that no matter what, she loves me. She gets so excited every day when I come home. It's like she has been waiting all day for just that. She runs around and whines till she gets a hug and a pat. Then she begins to show me all that she has done that day. If she is outside she runs all around the yard as if to show me that was what she had done all day. If she is inside she begins to drag all of her toys out to show me. I love that! When she is sleepy, she wants to crawl in my lap and sleep like she did when she was a puppy. Of course she weighs almost 50 lbs. now, so she gets a little heavy. I love her though! I love the unconditional love she has, the undying loyalty, the excitement when I come home. I love that she's not perfect!
It's at that point that I realized, that is how God is with us. He loves that we aren't perfect, He loves us with unconditional love and He is always loyal to us. He gets excited when we come to Him. He will even let us sit in His lap and rest, no matter what our size! He thinks we are beautiful no matter what and loves us no matter what. Do I want Him to see what I've done all day? Am I ready for that? Am I filled with excitement when I go to Him?
I can learn alot from Isabel. Maybe that's exactly why God gave us pets.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Funerals
Today there were two funerals. One for an infant due to be born next week, one for a man who had lived a full life. They are intertwined in only two ways...both of the funerals were today and the infant's name was David and the man who died has a son named David. I know that's a stretch, but it still seemed somewhat connected to me. Hal, that is the man's name had lived a full life, he was a good man, with a kind heart and a giving spirit. He had a great sense of humor and just the little time I was around him, I found him to be a great story teller. I didn't know him very well, but I know his son and knew how the man was toward his son and his partner, my brother, and that was enough for me. The man was a Christian in more than words. He lived his faith. He loved the Lord and loved people. He was good to his family, but even more than that he showed them not only how to live, but how to die, how to look forward to walking with his Lord. He will be missed, but I know without a doubt that right now he is with Jesus and is now pain free. What a blessing! The other funeral, the infant David, didn't have that. He had never taken a breath, a walk, had never met his family. He died in the womb and the parents are left to grieve. Is that right? Who has the greater loss? They are both losses, they will both be mourned, they will both be with Jesus, but which is the greatest loss and should we even try to say? Somehow it seems worse when it is an infant. You want to question God and ask why? Why a little baby? Why not giving us time? But then again, even with an older person, you find yourself asking the same questions. So I ask again, which is the greater loss? To me, maybe it's not in the loss, but in the way we respond to the loss. With an older person it is the natural order, but with an infant, it is out of sync, it is not the way it is supposed to be.
I have never had to face the loss of a child, I can't imagine what that must be like, but I have lost numerous family members and loved ones close to me. It is a loss that leaves you with some parts that feel empty, makes you question the very God who brings life. All I do know is that, death is a part of life. Every tear we shed over a loved one, young or old is also shed by God, our Father. He holds each tear and grieves with us. He knows our pain because He also feels it. Our Father, the God we love, knows the grief of losing a loved one, losing a child. He, after all, sent His Son to die for us. But even more than that, every time a child of God, young or old, turns their back on Him, He grieves. He feels the pain of loss.
I'm sorry for the ones who are grieving today the loss of loved ones, young or old. I pray that they find the peace that can only come from the heavenly Father. The one who loves you so.
I have never had to face the loss of a child, I can't imagine what that must be like, but I have lost numerous family members and loved ones close to me. It is a loss that leaves you with some parts that feel empty, makes you question the very God who brings life. All I do know is that, death is a part of life. Every tear we shed over a loved one, young or old is also shed by God, our Father. He holds each tear and grieves with us. He knows our pain because He also feels it. Our Father, the God we love, knows the grief of losing a loved one, losing a child. He, after all, sent His Son to die for us. But even more than that, every time a child of God, young or old, turns their back on Him, He grieves. He feels the pain of loss.
I'm sorry for the ones who are grieving today the loss of loved ones, young or old. I pray that they find the peace that can only come from the heavenly Father. The one who loves you so.
Prejudice
I never thought of myself as white till I felt the sting of prejudice in a way I was totally unprepared for. I went to the movies to see “Dream Girls”. I just knew it would be wonderful and I couldn’t wait to see it. I went by myself because Toby and Austin were going to a basketball game and Amber was back in CA. I sat on the end of a row. Behind me several seats over sat a couple with a child. I didn’t pay much attention to them because the theatre was packed and I wanted to see the movie. The movie started and it was everything I hoped it would be. Before long I was engrossed in the story and the music. I knew that the child behind me was running back and forth, but the movie was so good, that I was able to tune it out. Right at the very end when Jennifer Hudson is finally getting her chance, the child behind me started rocking my seat and singing in my ear. I looked around to see if there was somewhere I could move and there wasn’t. So I quietly turned around and asked the child to please quit rocking my chair. That was it, that was all I said. Before the credits even started the mother of the child started yelling obscenities at me, calling me a F…White B…. I left the movie and started out and the woman followed me out screaming at me and calling me all kind of names. I was horrified and truly upset. The man with the woman came up and asked me what I said to the child and I told him what I said. He seemed satisfied and walked away. The woman however kept screaming at me across the lobby. I was so upset and scared. I have never been that scared before. I didn’t know whether to go to my car or to stay in the lobby. Finally I walked to my car, terrified and extremely upset. I was shaking so badly. When I got to my car I just burst into tears. I went home, terrified and locked my doors and just cried. I called Amber because Toby and Austin were still at the basketball game, told her what had happened and how I felt. She told me not to let anyone steal my independence and to get out and do something. I went out and walked around at a shopping plaza.
Prejudice, it came upon me like a train. I grew up in central Florida, which is like a melting pot so I never noticed color. I was more afraid of not fitting in because I was in a Children’s Home. I have tried very hard to raise my children to believe that God loves us all and that everyone deserves a kind word. I taught them to have respect for others no matter their race, color or position in life. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. Prejudice, it was never in my vocabulary, nor did I allow it in my children’s. All of the sudden, because of this incident I felt white, very white. I hear the people on tv talk about prejudice against blacks, Jew’s, gays, but I never thought about it. I had never experienced it. Now I have and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. It makes you scared and cautious. It has you looking at everyone differently and I don’t like that. I’m 51 years old and it’s sad to think that one small incident can change my whole life perspective. Well, I’m not going to let it! I still believe that basically, everyone deserves a kind word, a thank you, a smile…I won’t let prejudice take that away from me. I won’t let prejudice win!
Prejudice, it came upon me like a train. I grew up in central Florida, which is like a melting pot so I never noticed color. I was more afraid of not fitting in because I was in a Children’s Home. I have tried very hard to raise my children to believe that God loves us all and that everyone deserves a kind word. I taught them to have respect for others no matter their race, color or position in life. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. Prejudice, it was never in my vocabulary, nor did I allow it in my children’s. All of the sudden, because of this incident I felt white, very white. I hear the people on tv talk about prejudice against blacks, Jew’s, gays, but I never thought about it. I had never experienced it. Now I have and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. It makes you scared and cautious. It has you looking at everyone differently and I don’t like that. I’m 51 years old and it’s sad to think that one small incident can change my whole life perspective. Well, I’m not going to let it! I still believe that basically, everyone deserves a kind word, a thank you, a smile…I won’t let prejudice take that away from me. I won’t let prejudice win!
Broken Hearts
My son’s heart is broken and I am helpless. My sweet, gentle son is devastated. Allison, the girl he loves has told him she doesn’t love him. It’s not him, she has truly tried, but she just doesn’t love him. After 3 ½ years, she doesn’t want to marry him. He is so sad and lost. You see, he had planned his whole life around Allison, now she’s gone and he’s lost. He doesn’t know what to do. As his mother, what do I do? How can I help? I just watch and pray. I pray for his heart to be healed, I pray for protection for him, I pray that he will grow from this. He asks me “how will I know when it’s real, because I thought this was real”? I tell him, he will know, You will show him. I don’t think he believes me though. I hurt for him. I want to take him in my arms and hug him and soothe away the pain. He is a man now and doesn’t want that. He says he will be fine. I watch him though, I see his pain, I see his doubt in his self. I want to take his pain away, but pain is part of life, and pain will make him stronger. Pain will make his real love, the one You have picked out for him, that much stronger.
Father God, I know all this in my mind, but he is my son and I want to hold him and rock him and tell him everything will be okay and make it better as I did when he was a child. I can’t, but Father, You can. Heal his heart, ease his pain, remind him that he is Your child. Show him the path You have laid out for him. I miss the way he was. The sparkle he had, the laughter, the jokes, the passion. I miss that. Bring my son back to me. Bring him back, stronger, kinder, gentler, and even more the man You would have him to be. Show him Your power. Show him Your heart. Help him to see that You have had a broken heart as well. Father, most of all show him Your love.
Father God, I know all this in my mind, but he is my son and I want to hold him and rock him and tell him everything will be okay and make it better as I did when he was a child. I can’t, but Father, You can. Heal his heart, ease his pain, remind him that he is Your child. Show him the path You have laid out for him. I miss the way he was. The sparkle he had, the laughter, the jokes, the passion. I miss that. Bring my son back to me. Bring him back, stronger, kinder, gentler, and even more the man You would have him to be. Show him Your power. Show him Your heart. Help him to see that You have had a broken heart as well. Father, most of all show him Your love.
Daughter
2/21/08
Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. She will be 29 years old. I will once again, not be there for her birthday. She lives in California. So far away it might as well be another country. I miss my daughter. I miss not being there for her birthday. She is out tonight with friends celebrating. She will be going out again tomorrow night with friends celebrating. Someone else will be baking her a cake. I hate that. I want to still be the one baking her cake. I want to still be the one celebrating with her. I go to movies without her now; I go shopping without her now. Getting my toes done is nowhere near as much fun as it is when she is here. I even miss arguing with her about everything and nothing.
I know this is how life is supposed to be. You are supposed to raise your children to be God-fearing, loving, kind and independent. I’m glad she is all of these things, but does it have to be in California? Why can’t it be in Birmingham, Atlanta, even somewhere in Florida? Somewhere where every once in a while, I could see her, could go to movies with her, could go shopping with her, could get my toes done with her and even, every once in a while bake her a cake. I really miss my daughter.
Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. She will be 29 years old. I will once again, not be there for her birthday. She lives in California. So far away it might as well be another country. I miss my daughter. I miss not being there for her birthday. She is out tonight with friends celebrating. She will be going out again tomorrow night with friends celebrating. Someone else will be baking her a cake. I hate that. I want to still be the one baking her cake. I want to still be the one celebrating with her. I go to movies without her now; I go shopping without her now. Getting my toes done is nowhere near as much fun as it is when she is here. I even miss arguing with her about everything and nothing.
I know this is how life is supposed to be. You are supposed to raise your children to be God-fearing, loving, kind and independent. I’m glad she is all of these things, but does it have to be in California? Why can’t it be in Birmingham, Atlanta, even somewhere in Florida? Somewhere where every once in a while, I could see her, could go to movies with her, could go shopping with her, could get my toes done with her and even, every once in a while bake her a cake. I really miss my daughter.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Engaged
2/3/08
Yesterday my son became engaged. He is in love with a beautiful girl, Allison. We like her. I am happy for my son and Allison. I wonder about our relationship now. Austin’s and mine. We have always been so close. He has always called me and talked to me and we have gone shopping together, to movies, to lunch. Will that change a lot? Will he still call me and talk? Will we still have special moments? I know life changes and with it relationships must change, but no one prepares you for the mixed blessings of your children growing. The way they change and no longer need you as they once did. I know that is the way it is supposed to be, but it sure is hard on the heart. I remember when my son was just a sweet little boy with dirty face and hands who crawled up in my lap, put his hands up on my face and told me that he loves me the best. What happened to my little boy?
He became a wonderful, kind, loving young man who has met a young women, and I am blessed by that. But for just a moment, I would love to have that little boy, with the dirty face and hands, crawl up in my lap one more time and tell me that he loves me the best!
Yesterday my son became engaged. He is in love with a beautiful girl, Allison. We like her. I am happy for my son and Allison. I wonder about our relationship now. Austin’s and mine. We have always been so close. He has always called me and talked to me and we have gone shopping together, to movies, to lunch. Will that change a lot? Will he still call me and talk? Will we still have special moments? I know life changes and with it relationships must change, but no one prepares you for the mixed blessings of your children growing. The way they change and no longer need you as they once did. I know that is the way it is supposed to be, but it sure is hard on the heart. I remember when my son was just a sweet little boy with dirty face and hands who crawled up in my lap, put his hands up on my face and told me that he loves me the best. What happened to my little boy?
He became a wonderful, kind, loving young man who has met a young women, and I am blessed by that. But for just a moment, I would love to have that little boy, with the dirty face and hands, crawl up in my lap one more time and tell me that he loves me the best!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Isabel and the Snake
September 10, 2009
Drama this morning at the Tidwell house. Thought you all could use a laugh!
I was in the shower, just rinsed my hair and was lathering up when I heard Isabel out back barking like crazy. I looked out the window of the shower and she had a snake, yes it was a snake, grey with black diamonds on it's back, curled up and she was taunting it and it was striking out at her. The snake was a huge coil. I freaked out, jumped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, ran to the back door and started screaming for Isabel to come. Of course being the "good" dog that she is she ignored me and continued barking and running at the snake. I screamed and screamed for her and she wouldn't come. I grabbed the phone and called Toby, when he answered I hysterically informed him that my dog had a snake cornered and would not leave it and she was going to get bit. He told me there was nothing he could do and to go next door and get my neighbor. I of course slammed the phone down and realized that I was still standing in a towel with water and soap streaming from me. I grabbed a robe and ran next door. I beat on the door and finally my neighbor came to the door, I woke him up. I hysterically explained my situation and he said he would be there in a few minutes. In the meantime, I ran back in the house and tried to coax Isabel with dog biscuits. She still would not leave the snake. I finally out of desperation, grabbed her leash and ran out back and dangled it and said, Isabel, let's go... She hesitated for a second and then ran up on the porch and I was able to get her in the house, felt bad about the deception, but relieved that she was not going to get bit. In the meantime, I watched the snake, praying that my neighbor would hurry up. I watched the snake uncoil, it started slithering off toward the back. Appeared to be about 6' long, stretched from my flowerbed to the pine tree. I kept watching it, still slithering off, still no neighbor, Finally, he appeared with his oxygen tank strapped to his back, a gun with a scope in his hand and trifocals on he hurries out the back door and falls down the steps. I'm apologizing to him and helping him up, and thanking God that the gun didn't go off, in the meantime the snake slithers off in the back amidst the jungle. My neighbor goes out there and scouts out the back, but can't find the snake.
I finally calmed down, kept Isabel inside, thanked my neighbor for trying, apologized again for bothering him and for him falling. I call work and tell them I'm going to be a tad late, and then get back in the shower to rinse off the dried soap. Isabel stayed in today, much to her dismay. I still have a snake, somewhere in my back yard.
I get to work, change over my little flip devotional and today's was "Look for things to laugh at- and laugh out loud. It's biblical!" The verse is "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverbs 17:22.
Does God have a sense of humor or what?
Drama this morning at the Tidwell house. Thought you all could use a laugh!
I was in the shower, just rinsed my hair and was lathering up when I heard Isabel out back barking like crazy. I looked out the window of the shower and she had a snake, yes it was a snake, grey with black diamonds on it's back, curled up and she was taunting it and it was striking out at her. The snake was a huge coil. I freaked out, jumped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, ran to the back door and started screaming for Isabel to come. Of course being the "good" dog that she is she ignored me and continued barking and running at the snake. I screamed and screamed for her and she wouldn't come. I grabbed the phone and called Toby, when he answered I hysterically informed him that my dog had a snake cornered and would not leave it and she was going to get bit. He told me there was nothing he could do and to go next door and get my neighbor. I of course slammed the phone down and realized that I was still standing in a towel with water and soap streaming from me. I grabbed a robe and ran next door. I beat on the door and finally my neighbor came to the door, I woke him up. I hysterically explained my situation and he said he would be there in a few minutes. In the meantime, I ran back in the house and tried to coax Isabel with dog biscuits. She still would not leave the snake. I finally out of desperation, grabbed her leash and ran out back and dangled it and said, Isabel, let's go... She hesitated for a second and then ran up on the porch and I was able to get her in the house, felt bad about the deception, but relieved that she was not going to get bit. In the meantime, I watched the snake, praying that my neighbor would hurry up. I watched the snake uncoil, it started slithering off toward the back. Appeared to be about 6' long, stretched from my flowerbed to the pine tree. I kept watching it, still slithering off, still no neighbor, Finally, he appeared with his oxygen tank strapped to his back, a gun with a scope in his hand and trifocals on he hurries out the back door and falls down the steps. I'm apologizing to him and helping him up, and thanking God that the gun didn't go off, in the meantime the snake slithers off in the back amidst the jungle. My neighbor goes out there and scouts out the back, but can't find the snake.
I finally calmed down, kept Isabel inside, thanked my neighbor for trying, apologized again for bothering him and for him falling. I call work and tell them I'm going to be a tad late, and then get back in the shower to rinse off the dried soap. Isabel stayed in today, much to her dismay. I still have a snake, somewhere in my back yard.
I get to work, change over my little flip devotional and today's was "Look for things to laugh at- and laugh out loud. It's biblical!" The verse is "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverbs 17:22.
Does God have a sense of humor or what?
Children
February 2007
I miss my children. I know it sounds corny, but I miss my children. I was in church tonight and saw a little girl climb up in her mom’s lap and put her head next to hers and her arm around her neck and I thought to myself, I miss that. I saw a commercial the other night where a little boy was toddling to his mom and I realized that I miss that. I miss those moments that were so special. I miss having my children sit in my lap and love me. I miss having the special kisses and hugs at night. I miss giggles and laughter and pranks. I miss reading a book to them. I miss watching them play in the yard. I miss Austin coming in and smelling like dirt and sweat and just little boy smells with things in his pockets. I miss Amber wanting me to play dolls with her. I even miss fixing Amber’s hair and having her fuss about it. I miss making them green eggs and ham. I miss taking the summers and going to museums with them, and having picnics at the parks. I miss going swimming and hooking up the sprinkler under the trampoline and putting soap on it and watching them slip and slid all over it. I miss them begging me for just one more story. I miss watching them play ball, marching in the band, going to dances. I miss them having friends over and me cooking for a house full. I miss the mess and the noise. I miss them ganging up and teasing me. I miss them laughing at something they thought was funny. I miss playing board games until late at night. I miss watching them with their dad, making up games. If I could do it over again, I don’t know what I’d do different except, maybe, remember every detail, every smell, every sight, every touch, every word.
I miss my children. I know it sounds corny, but I miss my children. I was in church tonight and saw a little girl climb up in her mom’s lap and put her head next to hers and her arm around her neck and I thought to myself, I miss that. I saw a commercial the other night where a little boy was toddling to his mom and I realized that I miss that. I miss those moments that were so special. I miss having my children sit in my lap and love me. I miss having the special kisses and hugs at night. I miss giggles and laughter and pranks. I miss reading a book to them. I miss watching them play in the yard. I miss Austin coming in and smelling like dirt and sweat and just little boy smells with things in his pockets. I miss Amber wanting me to play dolls with her. I even miss fixing Amber’s hair and having her fuss about it. I miss making them green eggs and ham. I miss taking the summers and going to museums with them, and having picnics at the parks. I miss going swimming and hooking up the sprinkler under the trampoline and putting soap on it and watching them slip and slid all over it. I miss them begging me for just one more story. I miss watching them play ball, marching in the band, going to dances. I miss them having friends over and me cooking for a house full. I miss the mess and the noise. I miss them ganging up and teasing me. I miss them laughing at something they thought was funny. I miss playing board games until late at night. I miss watching them with their dad, making up games. If I could do it over again, I don’t know what I’d do different except, maybe, remember every detail, every smell, every sight, every touch, every word.
Beauty
January 2008
What is beauty? I mean real beauty? I have been contemplating that all weekend. I witnessed real beauty and love between two ladies. They are both 80. They had a friendship that most of us can only wish we had and envy it when we see it. They did everything together. You never saw one without the other. One of them was weathered looking in the face and very petite with brown hair, the other one, had hair white as snow, and was very small and walked kind’of hunched over. They had so much beauty between them that you, for that one small fraction you were around them, you were thankful that you had witnessed it. You prayed that some of their beauty would rub off on you. They come in together, went on trips together, went to the store together, and brought goodies to us together. One was never without the other. One got sick, a brain tumor. Her family decided not to tell her, because the Dr. said it would be quick. The other went to her friend’s bedside, loved her and told her that. The sick one said that she wished she could just wrap her in a box and keep her right there beside her for always. She said “you are my best friend. I love you.” She died and now the other one grieves. Her friend has left her, but she knows in her heart that she will see her again. That is beauty of the rawest kind. Beauty, that just by knowing it is in the world, gives us hope and a deep sense that God is real and that this is what he’s been trying to show us all along. Beauty, I have seen real beauty and am blessed and better for it.
What is beauty? I mean real beauty? I have been contemplating that all weekend. I witnessed real beauty and love between two ladies. They are both 80. They had a friendship that most of us can only wish we had and envy it when we see it. They did everything together. You never saw one without the other. One of them was weathered looking in the face and very petite with brown hair, the other one, had hair white as snow, and was very small and walked kind’of hunched over. They had so much beauty between them that you, for that one small fraction you were around them, you were thankful that you had witnessed it. You prayed that some of their beauty would rub off on you. They come in together, went on trips together, went to the store together, and brought goodies to us together. One was never without the other. One got sick, a brain tumor. Her family decided not to tell her, because the Dr. said it would be quick. The other went to her friend’s bedside, loved her and told her that. The sick one said that she wished she could just wrap her in a box and keep her right there beside her for always. She said “you are my best friend. I love you.” She died and now the other one grieves. Her friend has left her, but she knows in her heart that she will see her again. That is beauty of the rawest kind. Beauty, that just by knowing it is in the world, gives us hope and a deep sense that God is real and that this is what he’s been trying to show us all along. Beauty, I have seen real beauty and am blessed and better for it.
Life
February 2008.
Sometimes life comes at you so hard it’s hard to breath. I feel that way right now. It seems that the harder you try the more obstacles are in your way. Take today, I started off sleeping late so I missed my early morning rendezvous. I totally forgot about it until I was doing my morning devotional and it hit me, I called, apologized and continued on my way. I get to work and I can already feel the cloud over my head, kind’of like Linus in the Peanuts cartoons. Anyway, I go about trying to do right and the 1st thing I do is forget all about the commitment I made to try to lose weight and eat a big piece of cake. I then realize that I had forgotten to include something in the announcements, something like the fact that my boss was leaving and there was a reception in his honor. Talk about a break down in the brain! I was so embarrassed and upset by it. It was too late to do anything about it, so I apologized and proceeded to go about the rest of my day. I go to lunch and for some reason, just can’t seem to get my self back together. I go back to work and end up being teary eyed for most of the rest of the day. I eat another piece of cake, might as well, since I’ve already lost the day. My boss is leaving, I don’t seem to belong, I made a huge mistake, my son is engaged, my daughter has a birthday tomorrow and I won’t be there because she lives all the way out in CA. I just feel a little overwhelmed today. God help me get through this thing called life! Help me catch my breath! Help me to know that you are in control and Satan and his life here on earth can’t have me! At least not for life!
Sometimes life comes at you so hard it’s hard to breath. I feel that way right now. It seems that the harder you try the more obstacles are in your way. Take today, I started off sleeping late so I missed my early morning rendezvous. I totally forgot about it until I was doing my morning devotional and it hit me, I called, apologized and continued on my way. I get to work and I can already feel the cloud over my head, kind’of like Linus in the Peanuts cartoons. Anyway, I go about trying to do right and the 1st thing I do is forget all about the commitment I made to try to lose weight and eat a big piece of cake. I then realize that I had forgotten to include something in the announcements, something like the fact that my boss was leaving and there was a reception in his honor. Talk about a break down in the brain! I was so embarrassed and upset by it. It was too late to do anything about it, so I apologized and proceeded to go about the rest of my day. I go to lunch and for some reason, just can’t seem to get my self back together. I go back to work and end up being teary eyed for most of the rest of the day. I eat another piece of cake, might as well, since I’ve already lost the day. My boss is leaving, I don’t seem to belong, I made a huge mistake, my son is engaged, my daughter has a birthday tomorrow and I won’t be there because she lives all the way out in CA. I just feel a little overwhelmed today. God help me get through this thing called life! Help me catch my breath! Help me to know that you are in control and Satan and his life here on earth can’t have me! At least not for life!
Soaring!
I wrote this in April when Toby and I were in the yard working.
Today, Toby and I were out in the yard planting a rose bush. I love roses. Anyway, when we were finished I saw a baby bird on the ground and I went up to it to see if it would fly away. It didn’t so I took what I had in my hand and touched it and the bird moved, at that time both the mother and the father bird started diving for me, so I backed away. I sat out-side at the table and watched as the little bird tried to fly, it would fly a few feet and then land back on the ground. I watched as the mother and father bird would take turns landing beside it and then flying a little bit as if showing the baby what it needed to do. This happened over and over and over again. The little bird, finally flew into a bush where at least it will be somewhat safe. While I was watching this I was reminded that as parents, this is what we are called to do. We are to guard our children from harm until they have their wings and can fly on their own. When they finally fly, it is with great pride and wonder and sometimes a little sadness over an empty nest that we as parents let them go.
God does that with us. Just as He protects the birds and teaches them to fly, He does the same for us. He keeps us safe from harm and then He teaches us to fly. It is my prayer that as God looks at me it is with great pride and wonder.
Oh God, teach me to really soar!!!
Today, Toby and I were out in the yard planting a rose bush. I love roses. Anyway, when we were finished I saw a baby bird on the ground and I went up to it to see if it would fly away. It didn’t so I took what I had in my hand and touched it and the bird moved, at that time both the mother and the father bird started diving for me, so I backed away. I sat out-side at the table and watched as the little bird tried to fly, it would fly a few feet and then land back on the ground. I watched as the mother and father bird would take turns landing beside it and then flying a little bit as if showing the baby what it needed to do. This happened over and over and over again. The little bird, finally flew into a bush where at least it will be somewhat safe. While I was watching this I was reminded that as parents, this is what we are called to do. We are to guard our children from harm until they have their wings and can fly on their own. When they finally fly, it is with great pride and wonder and sometimes a little sadness over an empty nest that we as parents let them go.
God does that with us. Just as He protects the birds and teaches them to fly, He does the same for us. He keeps us safe from harm and then He teaches us to fly. It is my prayer that as God looks at me it is with great pride and wonder.
Oh God, teach me to really soar!!!
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