Gifts

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17

I believe God wrote that verse because He knew I was going to have to refer to it a lot once I married Toby. I love my husband, but the gift giving thing he just doesn’t quite have down yet.

Before we got married, Toby was so romantic. He would write me letters and they were so sweet. The only gift he bought for me before we got married was a necklace, a forget-me-not flower, small and dainty. He said that since he was going over seas for a while he wanted me to have something to remember him. I must say, I bought it, hook, line and sinker! I was in love and couldn’t wait for him to come back and marry me.

After we got married, for a short time, there was still romance, no gifts really, but Toby would leave me notes on the table in the mornings before he went to work, or when he came home for lunch, sweet little notes that were reminders of how much he loved me.
I was so homesick and lonely so one day he brought home a little puppy that someone had dropped off at the shop. It was tiny and had not been weaned, so I had to bottle feed it and once again I knew that Toby was the best gift giver around. It was absolutely the perfect gift for me at the time.

Little did I know that my wonderful husband, was not the perfect gift giver I thought he was. I began getting things like sheets for Christmas, pots and pans, (which I didn’t ask for), blenders, one year I even got towels! Towels, can you imagine!!! That was just the beginning of a long line of somewhat, shall I say, ‘unique’ gifts that I received from my husband.

One year we were at the beach with 2 other couples and my birthday, being in June, happened to fall on one of the days we were there. My friends and Toby decided to celebrate my birthday. They had a cake, some gifts and then I got to Toby’s gift. It was in a bag from Alvin’s Island, so I opened up the bag and there were 3 t-shirts. He got them from the 3 for $10 dollar rack. I couldn’t believe my eyes, for one thing, I very rarely wear a t-shirt, for another thing, 3 for $10, is not exactly the gift I was looking for, and last, but certainly not least, was what they said. It pains me to this day to repeat what was on the shirts, but here goes… “What part of NO don’t you understand!”, “#1 MOM,” and the last one was just a gulf shores t-shirt I think. By the time I read the first two, I couldn’t even see the last one. I was horrified!!! I couldn’t even talk. My friends were just as horrified as I was, but couldn’t even look at me. We all knew I was on the verge…of tears, anger, and was embarrassed. I couldn’t even talk to Toby. Later when we got home, the shirts, never on my body, were put into a donation sack.

You would think that would be the climax of the bad gifts, but there are so many more. One day for my birthday I got a weed-eater, gas powered, which is so heavy I can’t even use it. There were tool boxes, wheel barrels, and one year, I opened up a box and pulled out an owl, you know a small stuffed owl that had a graduation cap on it that had the year on it. (It was not the year I graduated). As I was pulling it out, I prayed, please dear God, let there be something else in this box, please…please. Luckily there was, a pair of earrings.

Thankfully, Amber got old enough to help with the gifts. She became my ally and I would tell here specifically what I wanted. One year I wanted a digital camera and she knew exactly which one I wanted. Later, she went with her dad to get it and she said they were in Best Buy and the line was so long and Toby looked at her and said, “I’m not standing in this line, I will get it later,” and Amber looked at him and said “Daddy, it’s Dec. 23., Mom wants this camera and we are going to stay in line till we get it.” He did. Another time they were walking in the mall and he passed the dollar store and said “let’s go in there and look for your mom”, she told him that there was nothing in the dollar store that I wanted for Christmas. Later she confided in me that she didn’t know how I did it, how I managed to put up with his shopping. I told her, I had learned over the years to just not take him, and to be very specific in what I wanted.

In saying all this I would be neglect if I didn’t say that through the years there have been a few surprises. I got a really nice necklace one year that was a total surprise and a ring another time. More recently he gave me Isabel, my sweet puppy, so he has on occasion redeemed himself.

I know why God gave us the perfect gift. He knew nothing on earth could compare to what He gave us, His Son, His love and His grace. So while my husband is still learning, God in His ultimate wisdom knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “every good and perfect gift” would come from Him. I for one am so thankful for that, and I believe no matter what gift Toby does or doesn’t give me, nothing can ever compare to the “perfect gift” God has already given me.

The Perfect Day

Today was the perfect day! I woke up at 7:30 had a cup of coffee with the beautiful sun shining in the house and just sat for a little bit enjoying the morning. I love the sunshine! I cleaned in the house a little, piddled really, then went outside. Toby and I worked outside, we clipped shrubs back, moved some rose bushes, mowed, and raked. It was the perfect temperature outside for doing these things. In between all of this we played with Isabel, watched the birds, took breaks, sat and just enjoyed being outside. After such a rainy winter, it was just so nice to be able to be outside and soak up the sun.

I'm not a winter person, never have been and if the truth be told, actually get somewhat moody and depressed during the months of January and February. When January rolls around it seems like such a long dreary month that I find myself becoming dreary as well. Oh, I know we need the winter weather to kill the bugs and to make us appreciate the beautiful days, and I will admit that I do like the snow. I love to watch the snow coming down, and I love to go outside and make snowballs and I certainly appreciate how beautiful snow makes everything look. It's just that I don't like to be cold.

I know that God created both the cold and the warm. The cold to cleanse and to give everything time to rest and the warm to revitalize us, to bring everything back to life. In my own life God does that for me all the time. When I am far from God, my life begins to feel cold and dreary, my spirit begins to wither and freeze. But when I go to Him and rest in Him and spend time with Him, my spirit begins to thaw and I feel His warmth and presence within me. Maybe that is why I am more of a warm weather person, because when I am outside, basking in the warmth of the sun, watching the birds, planting things, playing with Isabel, it is all a reminder of the warmth of God.

So for me, right at this moment, today was the perfect day. Tomorrow may be even better, and promises to be, but for me, today was a perfect gift from God.

Jobless but not Worthless

Why is it that men seem to be defined by their jobs? When you meet a woman, one of the first things you ask is "are you married?", followed by "do you have any children?". With men it's different. One of the first things they're asked is "What do you do for a living?" It is the nature of men, and maybe our culture to define men by what they do and how good they are at it. In this day where there is so much unemployment it makes me ponder if maybe we aren't doing men a disservice. Do they become worthless because they do not have a job?


Men of my generation were raised in the age where you went to work, usually by the age of 16. They made their own money, bought their own cars, paid for their dates, all with their own money. If they didn't have it, they didn't do it. It was as simple as that. They were taught that you worked to provide for yourself and your family. It was your responsibility and you did it. It's a badge of honor and men wear it proudly, even to this day. I wonder though, if men shouldn't be defined by so much more. Shouldn't men be defined by how they portray God in their lives, how they treat their wives and children...do they show up and participate...do they make time to play...do they treat others with kindness and respect...are they willing to humble themselves before the Lord and seek guidance? Shouldn't we all, not just men, be defined by more. When we hold up a mirror to ourselves shouldn't we see a reflection of ourselves, but also a reflection of our Lord?

I ponder these questions, because Toby is unemployed. He has been since January. He took a stand against something he deemed unethical and it cost him a job. Has he become a lesser man because of it? No, in so many ways he has become even more the man of God. He is seeking more than ever God's will in his life and firmly believes that God has a plan. Will it change his perspective on things? I'm sure of it! Is he willing to humble himself before God and seek guidance? Absolutely! Is he now worthless? Absolutely not!

Laughter

I love laughter! Have you ever really thought about it? I love it!!! I love the sound that children make when they are tickled. I love it when they laugh so hard that they can't stop or get the hiccups. I love it when people get so tickled about something that they cry or their whole body shakes. Just being around someone who is laughing makes you smile. You can walk into a room and if someone is laughing, I mean really laughing, you smile. It is contagious! You can't help it. The other day someone was telling a funny story and I got so tickled, I couldn't catch my breath and I love that. I enjoy that deep down gut wrenching laughter that brings tears to your eyes. I remember when my children were small it always seemed that when they were supposed to be quiet, like in church, something would get them tickled and the more they would try to not laugh, the more they would laugh. I would try to make them be quiet, but they would just giggle more and pretty soon, I would get tickled just listening to them. I used to love tickling them until their giggles would fill the house. Oh how I love that sound!

Several memories stick out in my mind that to this day still make me laugh. I will share one with you...

When Amber was little, it was raining outside, just as it is now, and Toby was playing with her and they had built a tent in the living room. I was sitting on the couch reading and listening to them. Toby had just stuck his hand out of the tent and said, "my goodness, it's raining outside". A few seconds later we heard this little 'poot' from Amber and Toby jerked his head up teasing and said "What was that?..." Amber said without missing a beat... "That was the thunder daddy." To this day that makes me smile. I'm sure you have several of your own memories that make you smile, or giggle.

God must have liked laughter because it is mentioned all through the Bible. Here are just a few...

"A merry heart does good, like medicine." Proverbs 17:22;
"A cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15;
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy." Psalm 126:2
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughing." Job 8:21

Laughter is a great gift and we should use it more often. Take time today and have a good laugh!

Brownies with Love

I can't seem to get it off my mind what a dear friend said to me yesterday. She just found out that she has cancer and was having a double mastectomy. But the thing that keeps sticking in my brain is that she said before her surgery, since she couldn't have anything to eat after midnight, her husband was going to wake her up at 11:00 p.m. and they were going to share brownies and ice cream. I thought that was just about one of the sweetest things I had ever heard.

As women, we are sometimes defined by how we look, well maybe not sometimes...most of the time. It's hard to come to grips with the possibility of loosing parts that seem to define us as women. But, here at this moment, this woman was offered something, something that only someone who sees beyond the physical to the beauty of the woman inside can offer. Here her husband offered her more than brownies and ice cream. He offered her his love, his support and the fact that to him, she is worth more than her physical parts. I would say that this friend of mine, is a very lucky and blessed woman and I pray that she will recover quickly. I pray that the next time she has brownies and ice cream, it will be to celebrate!

I was thinking today about my dog, Isabel. She is an English Setter and she has a crooked face. Her mouth is crooked and her teeth are out of line and when she closes her mouth, sometimes because her mouth is a little crooked, her lip gets caught on her teeth. She doesn't know any of this though. She thinks she is beautiful and to me she is. I love the way her mouth is a little crooked, I think it gives her character. I love it when she smiles and her lip gets caught on her teeth. I also love the fact that no matter what, she loves me. She gets so excited every day when I come home. It's like she has been waiting all day for just that. She runs around and whines till she gets a hug and a pat. Then she begins to show me all that she has done that day. If she is outside she runs all around the yard as if to show me that was what she had done all day. If she is inside she begins to drag all of her toys out to show me. I love that! When she is sleepy, she wants to crawl in my lap and sleep like she did when she was a puppy. Of course she weighs almost 50 lbs. now, so she gets a little heavy. I love her though! I love the unconditional love she has, the undying loyalty, the excitement when I come home. I love that she's not perfect!

It's at that point that I realized, that is how God is with us. He loves that we aren't perfect, He loves us with unconditional love and He is always loyal to us. He gets excited when we come to Him. He will even let us sit in His lap and rest, no matter what our size! He thinks we are beautiful no matter what and loves us no matter what. Do I want Him to see what I've done all day? Am I ready for that? Am I filled with excitement when I go to Him?

I can learn alot from Isabel. Maybe that's exactly why God gave us pets.

Funerals

Today there were two funerals. One for an infant due to be born next week, one for a man who had lived a full life. They are intertwined in only two ways...both of the funerals were today and the infant's name was David and the man who died has a son named David. I know that's a stretch, but it still seemed somewhat connected to me. Hal, that is the man's name had lived a full life, he was a good man, with a kind heart and a giving spirit. He had a great sense of humor and just the little time I was around him, I found him to be a great story teller. I didn't know him very well, but I know his son and knew how the man was toward his son and his partner, my brother, and that was enough for me. The man was a Christian in more than words. He lived his faith. He loved the Lord and loved people. He was good to his family, but even more than that he showed them not only how to live, but how to die, how to look forward to walking with his Lord. He will be missed, but I know without a doubt that right now he is with Jesus and is now pain free. What a blessing! The other funeral, the infant David, didn't have that. He had never taken a breath, a walk, had never met his family. He died in the womb and the parents are left to grieve. Is that right? Who has the greater loss? They are both losses, they will both be mourned, they will both be with Jesus, but which is the greatest loss and should we even try to say? Somehow it seems worse when it is an infant. You want to question God and ask why? Why a little baby? Why not giving us time? But then again, even with an older person, you find yourself asking the same questions. So I ask again, which is the greater loss? To me, maybe it's not in the loss, but in the way we respond to the loss. With an older person it is the natural order, but with an infant, it is out of sync, it is not the way it is supposed to be.

I have never had to face the loss of a child, I can't imagine what that must be like, but I have lost numerous family members and loved ones close to me. It is a loss that leaves you with some parts that feel empty, makes you question the very God who brings life. All I do know is that, death is a part of life. Every tear we shed over a loved one, young or old is also shed by God, our Father. He holds each tear and grieves with us. He knows our pain because He also feels it. Our Father, the God we love, knows the grief of losing a loved one, losing a child. He, after all, sent His Son to die for us. But even more than that, every time a child of God, young or old, turns their back on Him, He grieves. He feels the pain of loss.

I'm sorry for the ones who are grieving today the loss of loved ones, young or old. I pray that they find the peace that can only come from the heavenly Father. The one who loves you so.

Prejudice

I never thought of myself as white till I felt the sting of prejudice in a way I was totally unprepared for. I went to the movies to see “Dream Girls”. I just knew it would be wonderful and I couldn’t wait to see it. I went by myself because Toby and Austin were going to a basketball game and Amber was back in CA. I sat on the end of a row. Behind me several seats over sat a couple with a child. I didn’t pay much attention to them because the theatre was packed and I wanted to see the movie. The movie started and it was everything I hoped it would be. Before long I was engrossed in the story and the music. I knew that the child behind me was running back and forth, but the movie was so good, that I was able to tune it out. Right at the very end when Jennifer Hudson is finally getting her chance, the child behind me started rocking my seat and singing in my ear. I looked around to see if there was somewhere I could move and there wasn’t. So I quietly turned around and asked the child to please quit rocking my chair. That was it, that was all I said. Before the credits even started the mother of the child started yelling obscenities at me, calling me a F…White B…. I left the movie and started out and the woman followed me out screaming at me and calling me all kind of names. I was horrified and truly upset. The man with the woman came up and asked me what I said to the child and I told him what I said. He seemed satisfied and walked away. The woman however kept screaming at me across the lobby. I was so upset and scared. I have never been that scared before. I didn’t know whether to go to my car or to stay in the lobby. Finally I walked to my car, terrified and extremely upset. I was shaking so badly. When I got to my car I just burst into tears. I went home, terrified and locked my doors and just cried. I called Amber because Toby and Austin were still at the basketball game, told her what had happened and how I felt. She told me not to let anyone steal my independence and to get out and do something. I went out and walked around at a shopping plaza.

Prejudice, it came upon me like a train. I grew up in central Florida, which is like a melting pot so I never noticed color. I was more afraid of not fitting in because I was in a Children’s Home. I have tried very hard to raise my children to believe that God loves us all and that everyone deserves a kind word. I taught them to have respect for others no matter their race, color or position in life. I have always tried to treat people with respect and kindness. Prejudice, it was never in my vocabulary, nor did I allow it in my children’s. All of the sudden, because of this incident I felt white, very white. I hear the people on tv talk about prejudice against blacks, Jew’s, gays, but I never thought about it. I had never experienced it. Now I have and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. It makes you scared and cautious. It has you looking at everyone differently and I don’t like that. I’m 51 years old and it’s sad to think that one small incident can change my whole life perspective. Well, I’m not going to let it! I still believe that basically, everyone deserves a kind word, a thank you, a smile…I won’t let prejudice take that away from me. I won’t let prejudice win!

Broken Hearts

My son’s heart is broken and I am helpless. My sweet, gentle son is devastated. Allison, the girl he loves has told him she doesn’t love him. It’s not him, she has truly tried, but she just doesn’t love him. After 3 ½ years, she doesn’t want to marry him. He is so sad and lost. You see, he had planned his whole life around Allison, now she’s gone and he’s lost. He doesn’t know what to do. As his mother, what do I do? How can I help? I just watch and pray. I pray for his heart to be healed, I pray for protection for him, I pray that he will grow from this. He asks me “how will I know when it’s real, because I thought this was real”? I tell him, he will know, You will show him. I don’t think he believes me though. I hurt for him. I want to take him in my arms and hug him and soothe away the pain. He is a man now and doesn’t want that. He says he will be fine. I watch him though, I see his pain, I see his doubt in his self. I want to take his pain away, but pain is part of life, and pain will make him stronger. Pain will make his real love, the one You have picked out for him, that much stronger.

Father God, I know all this in my mind, but he is my son and I want to hold him and rock him and tell him everything will be okay and make it better as I did when he was a child. I can’t, but Father, You can. Heal his heart, ease his pain, remind him that he is Your child. Show him the path You have laid out for him. I miss the way he was. The sparkle he had, the laughter, the jokes, the passion. I miss that. Bring my son back to me. Bring him back, stronger, kinder, gentler, and even more the man You would have him to be. Show him Your power. Show him Your heart. Help him to see that You have had a broken heart as well. Father, most of all show him Your love.

Daughter

2/21/08


Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. She will be 29 years old. I will once again, not be there for her birthday. She lives in California. So far away it might as well be another country. I miss my daughter. I miss not being there for her birthday. She is out tonight with friends celebrating. She will be going out again tomorrow night with friends celebrating. Someone else will be baking her a cake. I hate that. I want to still be the one baking her cake. I want to still be the one celebrating with her. I go to movies without her now; I go shopping without her now. Getting my toes done is nowhere near as much fun as it is when she is here. I even miss arguing with her about everything and nothing.

I know this is how life is supposed to be. You are supposed to raise your children to be God-fearing, loving, kind and independent. I’m glad she is all of these things, but does it have to be in California? Why can’t it be in Birmingham, Atlanta, even somewhere in Florida? Somewhere where every once in a while, I could see her, could go to movies with her, could go shopping with her, could get my toes done with her and even, every once in a while bake her a cake. I really miss my daughter.