My Palette

My Palette

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Engaged

2/3/08


Yesterday my son became engaged. He is in love with a beautiful girl, Allison. We like her. I am happy for my son and Allison. I wonder about our relationship now. Austin’s and mine. We have always been so close. He has always called me and talked to me and we have gone shopping together, to movies, to lunch. Will that change a lot? Will he still call me and talk? Will we still have special moments? I know life changes and with it relationships must change, but no one prepares you for the mixed blessings of your children growing. The way they change and no longer need you as they once did. I know that is the way it is supposed to be, but it sure is hard on the heart. I remember when my son was just a sweet little boy with dirty face and hands who crawled up in my lap, put his hands up on my face and told me that he loves me the best. What happened to my little boy?

He became a wonderful, kind, loving young man who has met a young women, and I am blessed by that. But for just a moment, I would love to have that little boy, with the dirty face and hands, crawl up in my lap one more time and tell me that he loves me the best!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Isabel and the Snake


September 10, 2009
Drama this morning at the Tidwell house. Thought you all could use a laugh!

I was in the shower, just rinsed my hair and was lathering up when I heard Isabel out back barking like crazy. I looked out the window of the shower and she had a snake, yes it was a snake, grey with black diamonds on it's back, curled up and she was taunting it and it was striking out at her. The snake was a huge coil. I freaked out, jumped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, ran to the back door and started screaming for Isabel to come. Of course being the "good" dog that she is she ignored me and continued barking and running at the snake. I screamed and screamed for her and she wouldn't come. I grabbed the phone and called Toby, when he answered I hysterically informed him that my dog had a snake cornered and would not leave it and she was going to get bit. He told me there was nothing he could do and to go next door and get my neighbor. I of course slammed the phone down and realized that I was still standing in a towel with water and soap streaming from me. I grabbed a robe and ran next door. I beat on the door and finally my neighbor came to the door, I woke him up. I hysterically explained my situation and he said he would be there in a few minutes. In the meantime, I ran back in the house and tried to coax Isabel with dog biscuits. She still would not leave the snake. I finally out of desperation, grabbed her leash and ran out back and dangled it and said, Isabel, let's go... She hesitated for a second and then ran up on the porch and I was able to get her in the house, felt bad about the deception, but relieved that she was not going to get bit. In the meantime, I watched the snake, praying that my neighbor would hurry up. I watched the snake uncoil, it started slithering off toward the back. Appeared to be about 6' long, stretched from my flowerbed to the pine tree. I kept watching it, still slithering off, still no neighbor, Finally, he appeared with his oxygen tank strapped to his back, a gun with a scope in his hand and trifocals on he hurries out the back door and falls down the steps. I'm apologizing to him and helping him up, and thanking God that the gun didn't go off, in the meantime the snake slithers off in the back amidst the jungle. My neighbor goes out there and scouts out the back, but can't find the snake.

I finally calmed down, kept Isabel inside, thanked my neighbor for trying, apologized again for bothering him and for him falling. I call work and tell them I'm going to be a tad late, and then get back in the shower to rinse off the dried soap. Isabel stayed in today, much to her dismay. I still have a snake, somewhere in my back yard.

I get to work, change over my little flip devotional and today's was "Look for things to laugh at- and laugh out loud. It's biblical!" The verse is "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverbs 17:22.

Does God have a sense of humor or what?


Children

February 2007
I miss my children. I know it sounds corny, but I miss my children. I was in church tonight and saw a little girl climb up in her mom’s lap and put her head next to hers and her arm around her neck and I thought to myself, I miss that. I saw a commercial the other night where a little boy was toddling to his mom and I realized that I miss that. I miss those moments that were so special. I miss having my children sit in my lap and love me. I miss having the special kisses and hugs at night. I miss giggles and laughter and pranks. I miss reading a book to them. I miss watching them play in the yard. I miss Austin coming in and smelling like dirt and sweat and just little boy smells with things in his pockets. I miss Amber wanting me to play dolls with her. I even miss fixing Amber’s hair and having her fuss about it. I miss making them green eggs and ham. I miss taking the summers and going to museums with them, and having picnics at the parks. I miss going swimming and hooking up the sprinkler under the trampoline and putting soap on it and watching them slip and slid all over it. I miss them begging me for just one more story. I miss watching them play ball, marching in the band, going to dances. I miss them having friends over and me cooking for a house full. I miss the mess and the noise. I miss them ganging up and teasing me. I miss them laughing at something they thought was funny. I miss playing board games until late at night. I miss watching them with their dad, making up games. If I could do it over again, I don’t know what I’d do different except, maybe, remember every detail, every smell, every sight, every touch, every word.

Beauty

January 2008

What is beauty? I mean real beauty? I have been contemplating that all weekend. I witnessed real beauty and love between two ladies. They are both 80. They had a friendship that most of us can only wish we had and envy it when we see it. They did everything together. You never saw one without the other. One of them was weathered looking in the face and very petite with brown hair, the other one, had hair white as snow, and was very small and walked kind’of hunched over. They had so much beauty between them that you, for that one small fraction you were around them, you were thankful that you had witnessed it. You prayed that some of their beauty would rub off on you. They come in together, went on trips together, went to the store together, and brought goodies to us together. One was never without the other. One got sick, a brain tumor. Her family decided not to tell her, because the Dr. said it would be quick. The other went to her friend’s bedside, loved her and told her that. The sick one said that she wished she could just wrap her in a box and keep her right there beside her for always. She said “you are my best friend. I love you.” She died and now the other one grieves. Her friend has left her, but she knows in her heart that she will see her again. That is beauty of the rawest kind. Beauty, that just by knowing it is in the world, gives us hope and a deep sense that God is real and that this is what he’s been trying to show us all along. Beauty, I have seen real beauty and am blessed and better for it.

Life

February 2008.


Sometimes life comes at you so hard it’s hard to breath. I feel that way right now. It seems that the harder you try the more obstacles are in your way. Take today, I started off sleeping late so I missed my early morning rendezvous. I totally forgot about it until I was doing my morning devotional and it hit me, I called, apologized and continued on my way. I get to work and I can already feel the cloud over my head, kind’of like Linus in the Peanuts cartoons. Anyway, I go about trying to do right and the 1st thing I do is forget all about the commitment I made to try to lose weight and eat a big piece of cake. I then realize that I had forgotten to include something in the announcements, something like the fact that my boss was leaving and there was a reception in his honor. Talk about a break down in the brain! I was so embarrassed and upset by it. It was too late to do anything about it, so I apologized and proceeded to go about the rest of my day. I go to lunch and for some reason, just can’t seem to get my self back together. I go back to work and end up being teary eyed for most of the rest of the day. I eat another piece of cake, might as well, since I’ve already lost the day. My boss is leaving, I don’t seem to belong, I made a huge mistake, my son is engaged, my daughter has a birthday tomorrow and I won’t be there because she lives all the way out in CA. I just feel a little overwhelmed today. God help me get through this thing called life! Help me catch my breath! Help me to know that you are in control and Satan and his life here on earth can’t have me! At least not for life!

Soaring!

I wrote this in April when Toby and I were in the yard working.


Today, Toby and I were out in the yard planting a rose bush. I love roses. Anyway, when we were finished I saw a baby bird on the ground and I went up to it to see if it would fly away. It didn’t so I took what I had in my hand and touched it and the bird moved, at that time both the mother and the father bird started diving for me, so I backed away. I sat out-side at the table and watched as the little bird tried to fly, it would fly a few feet and then land back on the ground. I watched as the mother and father bird would take turns landing beside it and then flying a little bit as if showing the baby what it needed to do. This happened over and over and over again. The little bird, finally flew into a bush where at least it will be somewhat safe. While I was watching this I was reminded that as parents, this is what we are called to do. We are to guard our children from harm until they have their wings and can fly on their own. When they finally fly, it is with great pride and wonder and sometimes a little sadness over an empty nest that we as parents let them go.
God does that with us. Just as He protects the birds and teaches them to fly, He does the same for us. He keeps us safe from harm and then He teaches us to fly. It is my prayer that as God looks at me it is with great pride and wonder.
Oh God, teach me to really soar!!!