Second Chances

Something happened to me today that really made me take a look at myself as a person.

I went to work earlier than usual, got there around 8:00, went ahead and unlocked the door, turned on the light and sat down at my computer. I turned my computer on, then proceeded to eat my breakfast. I treat myself every Friday to a mocha and biscuit from Burger King. As I was looking at my computer and eating an elderly man came in with his t-shirt on backwards, shuffling his feet and walked right up to me at the computer. I was the only one here, so I must say he startled me. I asked if I could help him and he said he was going to the food bank, but was waiting on a ride to take him and he wanted to know if I had a cup of coffee he could have. Well, I’ve gotta say that basically I told him no I couldn’t help him as I was ushering him out he door and that I was sorry. He walked out the door and left.

Now, before you go and judge me, let me be the first to say that I know I’m a cynical human being and have very little mercy. I guess part of it is because of my own family.

I have two brothers I have tried to help all my life. They don’t work, have never held a steady job, and basically just want you to give them a handout. I have helped them throughout my life until just a year or so ago and I finally told them ‘no more’. I told them not to call me anymore unless it was to say hello. Since then I haven’t heard a word from them. When I say brothers, most think of boys, but my brothers are both in their 50’s, and just roam from place to place. They are alcoholics and who knows what else they are addicted to, they are basically homeless and they steal from you while they are looking you in the face. Most of my life I have felt responsible and have tried to help them but finally realized I have been enabling them, so I set some boundaries. Also, working where I work, we have on any given day, numerous calls & visits from folks wanting assistance, some who just work the system.

Unfortunately, because of these things I have become cynical, which is unbelievable considering how much I have been blessed by people. I have on any number of occasions received ‘surprises’ of groceries, financial help, physical help and gifts. God knows that of all people, I have the most reason to extend mercy, but yet, it is a continuous struggle with me.

Anyway, back to the story…After the man left, I sat here, eating my breakfast, and started really feeling bad. All I could think about was the passage in Hebrews 13:2 “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing.” All I could think about was, what if this was a test from God and I failed miserably? I got up, ran to the door, determined to find the guy and see if I could help him. Of course he was no where around. I came back to my desk, feeling miserable with myself, and began to ask God for another chance. Since no one was here yet, I spoke it out loud. Told God, I was really sorry I had failed if this was indeed a test and asked for another chance. Everyone started coming in to begin the day, and I’m still looking at my computer, feeling like I really blew it with God, and praying that he gives me another opportunity.

About 9:00 in walks the guy again, comes right to my desk and asks me if he can have something to eat. Now this was unusual for him to come back, come straight to my desk, and ask me, because I had pretty much shut him out earlier. I jumped up went to another lady in the office and asked her if we still have crackers from the youth mission trip. She goes with me to the Youth building and we find some apple juice and several packs of crackers and I get them and take them to the man. He thanks me and after he leaves I thank God that he gave me a second chance to make it right.

Now, I’m not saying that he was an angel, he certainly didn’t look the part…I’m also not saying that it will keep me from being cynical, because it probably won’t… what I am saying is that for this moment in time, God gave me a second chance…For this moment in time, God allowed me a chance to see someone as he sees them, not as I see them.

Thank you God that you are a God of second chances and thank You that You see me and accept me as Yours, and not as I am. Thank you for not looking at me the way I looked at that man, but instead looking at me as a child of Yours, worthy of second chances.

Hormone Hell

A friend gave Toby and I tickets to the Clemson game. We were excited because we don’t get to go to many games and Clemson promised to be a good game. I was glad it was a night game, because Toby has had some heart problems and I thought it would be better for him sitting through the game at night, instead of in the heat of the day.

Toby decided that we would be able to find a parking spot, so instead of riding the transit, we drove. We spent quite a long time trying to find a parking spot. We finally parked almost to Wrights Mill Road School – no joke…and we began the long trek to the stadium. I started out a little worried about Toby, because it was extremely hot and humid and so I kept stopping and asking him how he was doing. In the meantime, I was becoming hotter and hotter. The more I stopped and asked Toby how he was doing, the more he noticed that I was getting redder and redder, but being the southern gentleman that he was raised to be, he didn’t say anything. (Okay, I had on a sleeveless shirt, a pair of lightweight Capri pants, and flip flops, so I had on the ‘airiest’ clothes I had while still being in public.) Anyway, we finally got to the stadium. I thought I was going to die!!! I was so hot!!! I felt like I was literally going to burn up. Toby and I went in and stayed in the shade a little bit, taking in the slight hot breeze. I kept asking Toby how he was doing and he kept saying he was fine. I guess part of me was hoping that he was as hot and miserable as I was. Sad, but true, misery does love company. We found our seats, in the upper deck, in the sun and sat down. We were right on the isle, right behind the stairs, so people kept coming up and down and for some reason that just made me hotter. I made it through the 1st quarter and ½ and finally told Toby I needed to go and try to find some cool air. At that point, Toby commented that I did look a little hot. A little hot!!! I felt like I was on fire!!! I went and stood in the entrance and took in the breeze, but no matter how I tried I couldn’t get cool. I stood there through the 1st part of half time, then I looked up at Toby and told him that I needed to go home. He nodded and came down. At that point, He said he was worried about me because I was really red. I wanted to snap his head off and tell him, yes, not only was I red, but I was miserable! Being the somewhat proper person I try to be, I didn’t though. I merely said that I needed to go home and get cool. He nodded and said he was fine with that. A wise man!!!

On the way out of the stadium we saw those little rickshaw bikes and I decided to see how much they would charge to take us to our cars. I thought that would be fun and much cooler than trying to walk all the way back to the car. He took one look at us and said it would be $30.00 to take us two blocks over. Toby said he was figuring how hard he would have to peddle to get us anywhere. I was not amused! Of course we declined, but I really didn’t know if I could make it all the way back to my car. We did of course, and Toby cranked up the air as high as he could and we went home and watched the 2nd half of the game in the wonderful coolness of our home.

When I was retelling this to a friend of mine over lunch one day, of course she was laughing, but then she said, I was living in “hormone hell”. Never heard it called that before, but realized that was exactly what it was.

As some of you ladies know, it’s a miserable feeling. For those who are too young to have experienced “hormone hell” yet, let me just say that very little prepares you for the mood swings, hot flashes, memory loss and just basically wanting to annihilate something when experiencing a severe hot flash.

As I was thinking about this experience, I couldn’t help but think that what I went through is nowhere near how hot Hell will be and I’m so thankful that I won’t be there! Hallelujah!

Snakes

I hate snakes! There, I've said it and I'll say it again...I hate snakes! I know there are some of you who would agree with me, while there are a few who would disagree. Oh, I've heard all the arguments about snakes... they are good to keep rodents down, they are creatures of God, but I hate snakes. I don't care if they are red, yellow, green, grey, or if they are good snakes or bad snakes. To me the only good snake is a dead snake!!!

I've got to say that in my life, I've had more than my share of close encounters with snakes. My first close encounter was when my children were smaller. Toby was watching a football game, the kids were in their rooms and I was in our utility room changing over laundry and a snake appeared in the utility room and I freaked out. It had me blocked from the door and I did what any one in my position would do, I jumped up on top of the washing machine, hitting my shoulder on the cabinet and started screaming. The snake tried to go up the washing machine toward me. I continued screaming and I'm ashamed to say, lost control of bodily functions(wet my pants). There, I said it. I'm not proud, but I was terrified. Toby finally heard me, came out and saw the snake, tried to calm me down, but when the snake changed direction and started coming at him, he grabbed the only thing he could find, a plunger and plunged it to death. Good riddance, I say! Anyway, since that moment, I have had countless encounters with snakes. The most recent ones, about a week ago, I was going to my car in my front yard, saw what I thought was a stick, walked over to pick it up and it started moving. I ran back inside screaming "Toby, there's a snake," he came out and killed it. Just today, when we were coming in from lunch, we saw one slither off under the house. That makes me feel real secure!!!

Anyway, I look at the verse in Genesis 3:15 where it says "I will put hostility between you and the woman and between your seed and her seed. He will strike your head and you will strike his heel;" and I think God must have been thinking of me when he wrote that verse. There is definite hostility between me and a snake, and to my mind, if given the opportunity, the snake will be struck down.

Mothers

I wrote this right after Mothers day 2010.With Mother's Day just past, it has me thinking a lot about Mothers. In particular, what makes a good mother? I looked up the definition of Mother in the dictionary and it is defined as "female parent; act as a mother to." I looked Mother up in the Bible dictionary and it also said, "the female parent of a household." It stated that in the Hebrew family, the mother occupied a higher position than that enjoyed by women in many other nations. The love and nurturing of God is sometimes compared to the love and caring a mother gives to a newborn child.

So what makes a good Mother?

My own Mother wasn't exactly an example that I would want to emulate. She was 17 and unmarried when I was born, got married shortly after my birth, than had 5 more children before she was 26. She was widowed at the age of 28, and died at the age of 31. She had a very short, sad life and for that I am sorry. She never knew God, she never really knew happiness and she never knew how to be a mother, or what having a loving mother was like. It has taken me years myself to get to this point, to the point that I can actually feel sad for her, to forgive her, and to yes, love her despite everything. So looking at my own Mother I certainly didn't get an answer there, but looking at others, I have seen examples of mothers that I truly believe are from God.

I have witnessed countless examples of good loving mothers. In church one Sunday night, I watched a young mother with her newborn baby beside her in a carrier, and the look of love in that mother's eyes while she watched her baby sleeping, the gentleness in the way she tucked the cover around her was so touching to me. Another time, a young child came to where her mother was standing and was trying to get her attention, the mother continued her thought and then immediately looked down, put her hands around the child's face, looked directly into her eyes and sweetly asked her what she wanted to tell her. This to me, let the child know that she had her mother's undivided attention and she was the most important person to her. I have witnessed how a mother will drop everything to take care of a handicapped child with love and compassion, while still making that child feel strong and confident. I have seen the heartbreak of a mother losing a child, and watched her mourn, while still keeping hold of her faith.

I have had personal examples of good mothers in my own life. One of my best friends growing up would invite me over and her mother was wonderful. The love she had for her family was so apparent. The fun they had eating dinner together, playing together, joking together, was something that I wanted. I was envious of my friend, but thankful to be a part of that for even a short time. There were other women who touched my life in many ways and left examples for me. My housemother was one. She wasn't openly affectionate, but in her way I could tell she cared for me. I was with her 7 years, almost longer than I was with my real mother. There was a lady who was a 'sponsor' to me who would write me long letters about her life and her family and would send me gifts, she even baked me brownies when I left and went out on my own. I never met her, but she left her mark on me. There have been countless others, teachers, Sunday school teachers, some of my friend's mothers, all who have in some way made an impression.

The Bible says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you." I believe that is exactly what God did. He came to me, He didn't leave me alone. He helped me to be a mother. He guided my heart and my steps. I was so afraid of becoming a mother. So afraid that I would be like my own mother. God didn't leave me, He was with me every step of the way. What I lacked in example, God showed me with love.

So, what makes a good mother? I wish I could give you an answer. I guess, loving, praying, guiding, spending time, disciplining when needed, listening to your child, listening to your own instincts about things, and praying some more. I believe it is important to never give up on your child! Always pray for them and leave them in God's hands. After all, he loves them more than we can possibly comprehend, just as He loves us.

I myself can only hope that in time, I will be remembered as a good mother, and when I get to heaven, God will say...you loved those I gave to you as I love you.

College Girls

I've been thinking a lot today about College Girls. My Bible Study groups, present and past in particular. I've come to some really frank realizations about myself and these wonderful young ladies that I have been privileged to get to know.

First - They are as a group seekers! They are spending their time at college, seeking...careers, friends, future husbands, where they belong and who they are. While studying and enjoying college life, they are forever seeking ways to figure out exactly who they are and what kind of person they want to be.

Second - They are passionate! They are passionate about everything, from their friends to their music, to the movies they watch, to the positions they take on any given topic. When you get them talking about something they are passionate about they truly become animated and alive. I love that! I love watching them and listening to them.

Third - When they make a decision to commit, they do so with their whole heart. They just want to be seen as people with a true voice and heart.

In this way, I love college girls. I started doing the first Bible Study as a way to fill my empty house. After raising two kids and having them and their friends hang out here all the time, when my kids left, the friends went with them and the house became incredibly quiet. I felt that leading a group of college girls would be a way to fill the house again with young people. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that not only would they fill my house, but they would fill my heart as well. My first group of girls were so amazing! Most of them were with me for three years and when they graduated and left, it was like losing my kids all over again. These girls became my girls. I have been to two weddings and hope to go to more. I hope to see their babies one day. After they left I thought I just couldn't do it again, I couldn't go through another group, so I took a year off. When I was asked if I would do a group this year, I prayed about it and decided I would. Once again, I have been blessed with another amazing group of girls, who have filled my heart. I hope to one day go to their weddings and see their babies as well.

I am so blessed to be a part of these young ladies lives. I love that they seek. Every week, they come to Bible Study seeking...seeking to know God's Word. Seeking to see what He has to say to them. Seeking for ways to serve Him. I love that they have passion. They are so passionate about Him and what He says to them. I love to hear them discuss a passage and what it means to them, or discuss why Paul or James would say that. It thrills me to see them seeking God and being passionate. But what really warms my heart is that they are so committed. When there are so many things pulling at them, they have committed to studying God's Word, to learning about Him and what He is trying to say to them and for that I feel truly blessed to know these girls.

How has this changed my life? Well for one thing, getting to know these girls has once again filled my home with laughter, lots of talking and fun. For another, it makes me feel energized. Just being around a room full of College girls energizes me. I find myself listening to them while they are eating dinner and talking and sometimes just smile to myself. They are just plain fun to be around! Being around them has me wanting to be more like them. Well, maybe not young, but I want to be known as seeking, passionate and committed. I want to be always seeking God's will. I want to be passionate about what He is trying to tell me and I want to be committed to Him.

I am blessed to know these young ladies and to have them as a part of my life. God knew what I needed and filled it without me even realizing it. God is so very good isn't He?

Grace

Grace is the name of my cat. She is a sweet cat, but very fat and meows like crazy if her food bowl gets empty. She doesn't have to eat it, she just doesn't want it to be empty. When you get up first thing in the morning she meows and runs around your feet until you check her bowl. When I come home from work she does the same thing. I can't use an automatic feeder because, she would eat till she popped! I'm not kidding. She is a fat cat and loves her food.

I guess I should explain a little about Grace so you can understand why she is like that. Grace is a stray cat that showed up one day at the church about 9 years ago. Everytime we walked in the building we could hear her meowing, but couldn't get her to come to us. Finally, I went into the kitchen, got some of that creamer in the little tubs, poured some in a little bowl and set it down by the bushes. She finally came out and became my cat.

She was so thin that you could see her ribs and she had just had kittens because she still had milk, so we began searching everywhere for the kittens, but couldn't find them anywhere. I took her to the Vet, and had her bathed, got her shots, dried up her milk and brought her home, (much to Toby's dismay). We figured that someone must have just dumped her out and left her. Anyway, she has been with us ever since. She doesn't even try to go outside when you open the door, it's almost like she is saying "been there, done that, not that great." She is content to just hang out, sleep and eat and boy, does she love her food.

Sometimes my life feels a little like Grace's. Sometimes, I feel like a stray, dumped out and wondering around looking for a safe place. Sometimes when people say you should try something, I just want to say "been there, done that, not that great." Sometimes, I'm content to just hang out, sleep and eat.

The problem with all of that is I am never filled. Like Grace, I freak out if I feel like my "bowl" is empty. I look for someone or something to fill it. And like Grace, I am always "meowing" for more. Maybe, I'm just not looking in the right place, maybe I'm not being filled with the right food, maybe, I need to look a little deeper.

When I feel empty, God has promised to fill me up - "Let us give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:8-9;

When I feel dumped out and like a stray God says "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rest between His shoulders." Deut. 33:12;

So just like Grace, I have been hungry, but God filled me. I have felt lonely and abandoned, but God found me. Just like Grace, I don't need to go outside my Lord, because I've "been there, done that, not that great."

Gifts

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17

I believe God wrote that verse because He knew I was going to have to refer to it a lot once I married Toby. I love my husband, but the gift giving thing he just doesn’t quite have down yet.

Before we got married, Toby was so romantic. He would write me letters and they were so sweet. The only gift he bought for me before we got married was a necklace, a forget-me-not flower, small and dainty. He said that since he was going over seas for a while he wanted me to have something to remember him. I must say, I bought it, hook, line and sinker! I was in love and couldn’t wait for him to come back and marry me.

After we got married, for a short time, there was still romance, no gifts really, but Toby would leave me notes on the table in the mornings before he went to work, or when he came home for lunch, sweet little notes that were reminders of how much he loved me.
I was so homesick and lonely so one day he brought home a little puppy that someone had dropped off at the shop. It was tiny and had not been weaned, so I had to bottle feed it and once again I knew that Toby was the best gift giver around. It was absolutely the perfect gift for me at the time.

Little did I know that my wonderful husband, was not the perfect gift giver I thought he was. I began getting things like sheets for Christmas, pots and pans, (which I didn’t ask for), blenders, one year I even got towels! Towels, can you imagine!!! That was just the beginning of a long line of somewhat, shall I say, ‘unique’ gifts that I received from my husband.

One year we were at the beach with 2 other couples and my birthday, being in June, happened to fall on one of the days we were there. My friends and Toby decided to celebrate my birthday. They had a cake, some gifts and then I got to Toby’s gift. It was in a bag from Alvin’s Island, so I opened up the bag and there were 3 t-shirts. He got them from the 3 for $10 dollar rack. I couldn’t believe my eyes, for one thing, I very rarely wear a t-shirt, for another thing, 3 for $10, is not exactly the gift I was looking for, and last, but certainly not least, was what they said. It pains me to this day to repeat what was on the shirts, but here goes… “What part of NO don’t you understand!”, “#1 MOM,” and the last one was just a gulf shores t-shirt I think. By the time I read the first two, I couldn’t even see the last one. I was horrified!!! I couldn’t even talk. My friends were just as horrified as I was, but couldn’t even look at me. We all knew I was on the verge…of tears, anger, and was embarrassed. I couldn’t even talk to Toby. Later when we got home, the shirts, never on my body, were put into a donation sack.

You would think that would be the climax of the bad gifts, but there are so many more. One day for my birthday I got a weed-eater, gas powered, which is so heavy I can’t even use it. There were tool boxes, wheel barrels, and one year, I opened up a box and pulled out an owl, you know a small stuffed owl that had a graduation cap on it that had the year on it. (It was not the year I graduated). As I was pulling it out, I prayed, please dear God, let there be something else in this box, please…please. Luckily there was, a pair of earrings.

Thankfully, Amber got old enough to help with the gifts. She became my ally and I would tell here specifically what I wanted. One year I wanted a digital camera and she knew exactly which one I wanted. Later, she went with her dad to get it and she said they were in Best Buy and the line was so long and Toby looked at her and said, “I’m not standing in this line, I will get it later,” and Amber looked at him and said “Daddy, it’s Dec. 23., Mom wants this camera and we are going to stay in line till we get it.” He did. Another time they were walking in the mall and he passed the dollar store and said “let’s go in there and look for your mom”, she told him that there was nothing in the dollar store that I wanted for Christmas. Later she confided in me that she didn’t know how I did it, how I managed to put up with his shopping. I told her, I had learned over the years to just not take him, and to be very specific in what I wanted.

In saying all this I would be neglect if I didn’t say that through the years there have been a few surprises. I got a really nice necklace one year that was a total surprise and a ring another time. More recently he gave me Isabel, my sweet puppy, so he has on occasion redeemed himself.

I know why God gave us the perfect gift. He knew nothing on earth could compare to what He gave us, His Son, His love and His grace. So while my husband is still learning, God in His ultimate wisdom knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “every good and perfect gift” would come from Him. I for one am so thankful for that, and I believe no matter what gift Toby does or doesn’t give me, nothing can ever compare to the “perfect gift” God has already given me.